


Sports Ball

by sapphicstarshine



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Homophobia, M/M, Pre-Squip
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-25
Updated: 2018-04-05
Packaged: 2019-03-09 07:11:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 28,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13476360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sapphicstarshine/pseuds/sapphicstarshine
Summary: “He’s doing it again,” Michael pressed himself against his locker, mumbling to his friend with an uncharacteristic scowl.“What? Seriously dude, they don’t acknowledge us unless they’re being assholes, you’re just being paranoid,”





	1. Chapter 1

“He’s doing it again,” Michael pressed himself against his locker, mumbling to his friend with an uncharacteristic scowl. 

“What? Seriously dude, they don’t acknowledge us unless they’re being assholes, you’re just being paranoid,” Jeremy fumbled with his books, trying to make room in the overstuffed locker before Michael took pity on him and opened his own to share. He always was surprisingly organised, Jeremy suspected this was because it was easier to find and hide weed than it was in chaos.

Michael shook his head, “No, bro, I’m telling you Jake keeps staring at me. It’s fucking creepy, it looks like he wants to eat me,” his friend rolled his eyes

“Maybe he just thinks you’re nice to look at. It’s not like it hasn’t happened before. Remember that weird girl in seventh grade, had that thing with the horses?”

“Okay- first off, gay, second off, nobody who likes horses that much can be trusted to have an accurate opinion on anything, so that doesn’t count, third off-  _ he just did it again Jeremy, how are you not seeing this?” _

“Oh- shit dude, yeah, I saw that time. He totally thinks you’re hot,” Michael punched him on the arm as he snickered behind his hand.

“That’s not funny, asshole, he looks like he’s planning something, he’s probably going to eat me. How can you joke at a time like this?? Someone is planning to cannibalise your best friend, you heartless bastard,” Michael put his hand to his heart in mock hurt as Jeremy tipped his head back, humming in thought.

“I mean if they were going to eat either of us it would be you, there’s nothing on me,”

“I dunno, I hear weedy twink is a delicacy in some circles,”

They turned from their lockers and started to the cafeteria, continuing the conversation as they went, “I saw on Discovery that sharks sometimes eat each other in the womb to survive, you think popular people are like that? Maybe he sees me as a threat. I am pretty fuckin’ rad,”

“Michael you know damn well neither of us are cool enough to be on his radar like that,”

“Do I? I happen to think we’re both pretty fuckin tubular, my dude,”

“No, he’s right, you’re both a couple of losers,” a cocky voice interjected from behind them, they looked back and down, both of them inwardly sighing. Fucking Rich, “Hot tip free from me to you, don’t fuckin talk like that and people wouldn’t think you were so…. you,”

“Do you want something?” Michael asked, already irritated. He stepped in front of Jeremy instinctively, he could take a punch better and they both knew it.

“Awfully fuckin quick to get rid of me, aren’t you? I’m just here to hang out with my buddies, there’s no need to be a dick about it,” he was so full of shit. Michael knew they were planning something, “Yeah though, matter of fact I do. Did you do something to Jake, four eyes?” he raised a pierced eyebrow, looming up at the taller boy best he could. Regardless of the almost ridiculous height difference it was still intimidating.

“Is that a joke?”

“Do I look like I’m joking, Michael?” he didn’t. 

“If you’re talking about all the creepy staring shit, I don’t know where that came from. I haven’t done anything,” 

Rich tsked and crossed his arms, “If you’ve used some kinda gay crystal voodoo shit on him I’m gonna pound your ass,”

“Is that a threat or a promise?” fuck, instant regret, immediate regret, he felt Jeremy tense up behind him 

“He didn’t do anything Rich, j-just,” the lanky boy attempted to interject, Michael grabbed his friend’s hand absent-mindedly, it was second nature now to calm each other down. This didn’t go unnoticed by the shorter boy, who made a disgusted face and backed off, getting one last insult in before bailing.

“Whatever, faggots. Have fun boning in the school bathroom, just don’t fuck with my boy,” they were silent a few seconds after he left.

“...Like he’s never fucked in a school bathroom,” Michael grumbled

“Are you okay?” Jeremy asked quietly, glancing for a second at the pride patch on his friend’s arm with concern. Michael just sighed and nodded, running a hand through his hair. 

“Not the worst he could do,”

“That doesn’t make it okay,” Jeremy frowned, giving Michael’s hand a reassuring squeeze

“Whatever, let’s go. I actually remembered my lunch for once,” he squeezed back before letting go.

They sat down in their usual corner away from everyone and people watched, as they usually did at lunch. Jeremy was unsurprisingly watching for Christine, but Michael instead of just watching for anything interesting in general, was searching for Jake. Maybe this staring thing really had made him paranoid- Jeremy had definitely noticed..

“Would you though?”

“What?”

“Is he your type?” 

“Who- Jake? Dude, ew, no, that guy’s a jackass, I have standards Jer,”

“So why are you so bothered by this?” Jeremy raised an eyebrow, lips curled around the straw in his milk carton. He was lactose intolerant but life is an empty screaming void and the only certainty in the universe is uncertainty so who cares really, “‘Sides, if a popular dude likes you you might get less shit for liking dudes yourself,”

“I don’t care if people give me shit for that. They’re just missing out on all the other delightful things they could be dragging me for that only you are privy to,” Michael grinned at him with a wink. It was only a partial lie- of course homophobia in general bothered him, but the opinion of some random assholes? Not so much.

“You mean like that three hour lecture you gave me on why The Big Bang Theory is irredeemable garbage and how you were an expert on the subject because you’d hate-watched every single episode?”

“Yeah, exactly,” truthfully he’d just been high and couldn’t find the remote, but as Jeremy had been all too happy to point out, he could have just gotten up and turned it off, “Anyway, I’m  _ bothered  _ because there’s no way he  _ does _ like me, and there’s nothing good that can come of this. He’s fuckin planning something Jeremy, I know it,”

“Why don’t you ask him?”

“Why the hell would I-”

“He’s coming over here right now,” 

Michael went to make a mad scramble to hide under the table, but he’d already been seen. That didn’t mean he had to come out though, he could just live down here, make a living his own way. He’d play styrofoam cups for change and live on vending machine snacks he bribed people to fetch for him with his music. He would become a lunch table fae, legend and protector of sick styrofoam beats, it was perfect. 

Ignorant to his friend’s masterplan, Jeremy squeaked out a nervous hello to the newcomer.

“Hey Jerry, what’s uh...”

“Michael?” he didn’t bother to correct his own name. He’d just forget again anyway. Douche.

“Right, what’s Michael doing... later?” Michael squinted at that. Was- was Jake asking him out  _ through _ Jeremy???  _ Did he not even know his name?  _ He peeked his head out from under the table, a skeptical look on his face.

“If I say no are you gonna kick my ass?”

“Hey, I’ve never kicked your ass, that was Rich,” the taller boy pointed out with a disapproving frown.

“You never stopped him,” Michael was unimpressed, moving into what he hoped was a sophisticated looking crouch rather than a particularly ungraceful gargoyle stance, arms crossed on the table in front of him. 

“I… yeah, you’re right. Sorry dude, I just- do you wanna go play hockey later? Or something?”

“Uh, no?” Jeremy snorted into his milk, he knew Michael had never seen a Sports Ball in his life, “Is that all you wanted, we’re kinda busy here,” they weren’t doing shit and even Jake probably knew that. He’d expected this to be some stupid practical joke, it wasn’t the first time someone had asked one of them out as a joke but Jake had actually looked… genuinely disappointed. What was happening today.

“Okay bro, I’ll just, uh, bye then,” and with that, he walked back to his own table, looking uncomfortably like a kicked puppy.

Jeremy just shook his head at the awkward interaction, “What the fuck, dude,”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jake tries again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaah yall were so nice i decided to continue it ;v;

Jake was perplexed. Crushing on boys wasn’t something he’d ever expected of himself- not that he necessarily had anything against dudes liking dudes, no matter what some of his friends might have thought on the matter, he’d just... never really considered it an option. Jake was popular. Popular boys date popular girls. That was just how things were. People like Jake didn’t like boys.

Or… not boys, rather, because there hadn’t been one before now. It was just Michael, though for the life of him he could not figure out where these feelings had come from, one day he barely noticed him, the next he couldn’t look away. He often caught himself staring at the boy from across classrooms and corridors, captivated by dark eyes and messy hair, the rainbow braces you could catch a flash of whenever he smiled, though it was usually reserved for his weird friend.

Yeah. That was it. Michael was weird. He had weird hobbies and weird interests and a weird friend and weird habits and he was just completely and utterly and openly _weird_. It was refreshing in a way to see someone so completely at ease with themselves, despite how isolating it must have been. He had to respect that. He was also mysterious; keeping to himself, quiet and fidgety when he was alone, giant headphones blocking out the world. Jake wanted to know him.

His one attempt to get to know him better had gone less than ideally, though. He’d hidden from him and he didn’t like hockey, but maybe cricket would be more his thing? Or archery. Or maybe-

“Jakey,” a hand waved in front of his face and he blinked back to the present, “Yo, you’re doin’ it again,”

“What- oh, sorry man, what’s going on?”

“You’re making moon-eyes at the little queer kid again. You got a plan?” Jake really didn’t understand his friend’s preoccupation with the guy’s sexuality.

“He’s taller than you Rich,”

“He’s fatter too, what’s your point,” Jake frowned at that, opening his mouth to argue but thinking better of it.

“Whatever. No, no plan, he’s just… weird I guess,” 

Rich snorted, “Got that right. In Chemistry yesterday we had to do group shit and he just sat in a corner and did it on his own,”

“Nobody helped him out?” 

He just shrugged in response. “I dunno Jakey, not everyone spends half the day staring at the freak, far as I can tell he always does that. Teacher didn’t seem to care,” Jake just hummed, watching Michael as he hunched over his desk with his head propped on his arms, the only sign that he was even awake was a light rhythmic tapping on the desk.

“Dude are you staring again? I thought you had a girlfriend, dude are you gay?” he lowered his voice, it was only the three of you in here right now but you never knew who could be listening, “Like it’s cool if _you_ are I guess, but-”

“No- I don’t think so? I like chicks, he’s just...”

“Weird, yeah, I know, you’ve mentioned,” the other boy was sounding irritated now, “C’mon, forget that guy, you can do way better even if you are fruity now, how’s shit going with Chloe?”

With one last glance towards Michael, he settled into a dull conversation about his bizarre off and on relationship with the girl.

*

It was about a week later that Jake had gotten his first chance to talk to Michael alone. The two of them had detention together (Jake had taken the wrap for something Rich had done- he wasn’t entirely sure what it was but he had nothing else to do today and Rich had a date tonight so whatever.)

Jake had given him a bright smile and leaned over to him when the teacher had left them to it, secure in her assumption that these two weren’t likely to start trouble, “What did you do?”

“Fell asleep in Geography,” he started fidgeting with a bracelet, not offering any more conversation beyond that.

Jake remembered something Rich had said, blurting out what he’d wanted to say before in the awkward silence, before his stupid brain got a chance to filter anything, “You’re not fat, y’know, you’re uh… average?” no that was stupid, no matter what angle he looked at that from it was stupid, he was very much above average in many different ways, including that way, but he was cute! He was cute and Jake had fucked up already, good going Jacob. 

Fuck, why was this so hard, flirting with people had never been this hard before? Was being gay always this hard? Or… bi, or whatever he was.

Michael just blinked at him, visibly uncomfortable, “Uh, okay? Listen I’m just gonna...” he put his headphones back on and turned up the volume until Jake could clearly hear the lyrics. The taller boy groaned inwardly and rubbed his face before getting out a pad and paper to scribble him a note.

_Sorry that was weird. I just wanna talk to you, you dig? You seem cool_

Michael stared at the words blankly before sighing and fiddling with his phone, copying something down along with a note of his own.

_What are we, cavemen???_

It was his number. Jake’s face lit up as he scrambled for his own phone, shooting off a quick message

J: Heyyyy :D

M: Yeah hi what do you want

J: Um  
J: To talk?  
J: You seem cool :)

M: You seem like a golden retriever  
M: Look no offense but i dont trust you  
M: Youve been nothing but a dick to my and my friend for years  
M: Whats different now

J: Hey I haven’t done anything that bad :(

M: So you admit its bad? Thats a start i guess  
M: Is that why you’ve been staring at me?  
M: Me and Jeremy have a bet, I get a whole entire red vine if youre planning on pulling some kind of cant buy me love brand humiliation shit  
M: But for the record im behind seven layers of detached irony so good fucking luck

J: I think this is the most ive ever seen you talk  
J: Its nice :)

M: That me social anxiety  
M: I can talk with Jeremy fine but uh  
M: Yeah  
M: Im what the kids call a fucking mess  
M: Well no, im what the kids call a lot of things but i dont think its ever been a fucking mess specifically 

Jake tilted his head at that last message and looked over to him. He was back to being hunched over, but he was facing the wall away from Jake. There was no indication that he was talking to anyone at all. That... explained a lot, actually.

J: Are you and jeremy like a thing?

M: No, he’s straight.

J: Do you wanna be?

M: Not really any of your business.  
M: Why do you care

J: Id like if we could be a thing :)

A loud burst of laughter from the other boy made him jump and he looked over to see the most beautiful smile he’d ever seen-

“Jesus fucking Christ dude, no, absolutely not, you are not my type,”

Jake’s heart sank. That smile was a trap, “What is your type?”

“I don’t know, not you,” was this rude? Yes. Was it deserved? ...Probably yes.

“Can we be friends then?”

“I- I already have a friend,” Michael could see himself what a lame excuse that was, “I’ve hit my quota, thanks,”

“You deserve more than one friend, we could do some archery together? That’s fun, or- or whatever, I don’t care, it’s up to you,”

Michael weighed his options. Either he was being sincere and he really did just want to be friends/more with him, which could lead to people maybe easing up on both him and Jeremy, or this was all part of some big joke and he’d end up in… exactly the same position he was now, which he was quite content with.

He sighed. 

Just lie back and think of Jeremy.

“Fine. If you really want, you can come play games with us in my basement later,”

*

Michael sat out in the parking lot after their awkward, uneventful detention with his phone in his hands. He took a deep breath.

Player1: Okay, first of all jermo  
Player1: Dont be mad

Player2: Oh no

Player1: Jakes coming to play games with us

Player2: WHAT  
Player2: WHY  
Player2: NO  
Player2: WHAT THE FUCK MICHAEL

Player1: I TOLD YOU NOT TO BE MAD  
Player1: LOOK OKAY  
Player1: hes  
Player1: I think hes goin through some shit?? Like sexuality shit  
Player1: And that can be hard on your own  
Player1: And fuck knows his friends arent gonna help him with it and i wouldnt want anyone to try and figure that out without some kind of support even if he is a dick  
Player1: But also you have to be there because I dont wanna be alone with the guy, hes already tried to ask me out like twice

Player2: You are far too nice  
Player2: what did you say?

Player1: What the fuck do you think i said?  
Player1: He doesnt really want me jer im just the only gay guy he knows  
Player1: I am literally his only choice  
Player1: His idea of a compliment was “youre average”

Player2: Dude you are way more than average like no homo but if you were a girl id bang you  
Player2: if he had any kind of taste he would want to too T:<

Player1: Thats not saying much bud  
Player1: one time you got a boner over a jelly bean 

Player2: IT WASNT THE BEAN MICHAEL

Player1: :-) 

Player2: >:(

Player1: Anyway do you want me to pick you up from yours or

Player 2: Oh dude ive been here since school got out  
Player2: Your moms say hi

Player 1: What did you tell them?

Player 2:Well  
Player2: I tried telling them that youd offered to help supervise detention but they didnt believe me cause youd never willingly volunteer for anything

Player 1: Fair.  
Player1: Am i in trouble?

Player 2: Artist mom thought it was funny, cant get an accurate read on therapy mom

Player 1: Sweet, that probably means im alright. Okay ill be home in a few <33

Player 2: Haha gay <33

Michael smiled at his phone, shaking his head. He loved that fucking dork. He looked up when he heard the car door open to see Jake tossing his bag in the back and sliding into the passenger seat.

“Nice car,” that stupid puppy grin again. ...Okay as much as Jake genuinely wasn’t his type, Michael did have to admit he had a nice smile.

“It certainly has the right number of wheels,” the car was terrible and he knew it, but he loved it anyway, “So… why me? Why not Jeremy to be friends with? He actually cares about what you think,”

Jake shrugged, “You’re cuter,” as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Michael rolled his eyes, that was bullshit. Jeremy was fucking adorable, “More of a challenge? I dunno, the heart wants what it wants,”

“Yeah. Okay,” he had no idea how to respond to that. The tension in the car grew thick, quickly. It made Michael’s skin prickle with discomfort.

“...Sorry. I dunno what’s wrong with me, this is stupid,” Jake chuckled anxiously, fussing with his hair, “You make me nervous,”

Michael raised an eyebrow, “I make _you_ nervous?”

“People usually just like me, even the ones I’m kind of a dick to. I don’t know why you don’t, it feels weird,”

He pulled into the driveway and turned to him, brows furrowed, “I don’t… _dis_ like you. Honestly I don’t have much of an opinion on you at all beyond ‘that guy who sometimes laughs when I get slammed into lockers should stop laughing when I get slammed into lockers’, I just don’t fully understand what you hope to gain from this, I’m definitely not your usual go-to but you’re not a good enough actor to be making this shit up,”

“Maybe… maybe if today goes good you can give me a shot?” he ignored the dig at his acting.

Michael sighed and got out of the car, waiting for Jake to follow him up to his house.

“We’ll see,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jake is a useless pansexual and richs squip is probably going apeshit trying to adjust for this


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jake charms Michael's moms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heads up for drug use if that bothers u

This was definitely a situation Michael never thought he’d find himself in- sat at his kitchen table with his mother, his best friend, and his apparently incredibly charming (former?) bully, too high strung at the moment to even appreciate the cookies she’d baked today.

“No, I hadn’t noticed really noticed Michael before, he’s kinda shy at school,” Jake was grinning at the woman Jeremy affectionately referred to as Michael’s Art Mom, who had of course taken all three of them hostage with sweets and warm motherly hospitality the moment he’d stepped through the door with someone who wasn’t Jeremy.

“He always has been, bless him,” she smiled and ran her fingers through her son’s hair, mussing the curls affectionately as he groaned and attempted to slink down even further in his chair. Jeremy looked like he was dissociating around the mouthful of oat cookie he was attempting to distract himself with. Michael couldn’t blame him

“Stop embarrassing the boy, Rosa,” another woman came in and wrapped an arm around her wife’s waist, kissing her on the cheek with a fond smile and gently corralling her towards the living room, “Let them go play,”

“Moooom,” Michael was ready to McFucking die. Jeremy actually cracked a genuine smile for the first time since Jake had arrived, and Jake himself seemed delighted at this interaction.

“Yes?” they answered in unison, matching wicked smiles pointed towards him. He groaned and grabbed both Jake and Jeremy’s wrists, tugging them towards to basement where he immediately flopped face first onto his bed. Jeremy dragged out the beanbags and immediately moved to sit beside Michael on the bed, giving him a reassuring pat on the back and Jake a wide berth.

“Unbelievable. I have two mothers and I still have to deal with shitty dad jokes,” Michael pulled his face up off the pillow and sat up.

“Dude your moms are great, I wish I had two,” Jake had taken a seat on one of the beanbags (Jeremy’s, to Michael’s mild irritation), “I barely have one right now,” he laughed. 

That was concerning.

“I don’t either,” Jeremy piped up, pulling a knee up to rest his chin on, “Michael’s are the best though,” he’d pretty much adopted them as his own since his had left, he never left his friend’s house without at least three tupperware tubs full of treats. Art Mom was always worrying that he wasn’t eating enough.

Michael just snorted. He wasn’t about to disagree, he loved his parents, even if they did thrive on embarrassing him in the most loving and affectionate ways, “Yeah, they’re great, whatever, what do you wanna do?”

Jake had leant back to browse his game collection, not really recognising anything there, “Man, what are these even for?” he slipped a brightly coloured one off the shelf and examined it.

“SNES, mostly, that one’s PS1 though. It’s fuckin weird, you really gotta be stoned to appreciate it properly,” Michael craned his neck to see which one he was looking at and Jeremy snorted. 

Jake raised his eyebrows, “You smoke pot?” he knew Rich and Brooke had a few times but he preferred to stay away from most kind of drugs himself, he had to stay at the top of his game. All the time. Always. Forever.

“It’s medical and fun,” Michael flashed him a lazy grin and spilled himself onto the floor, setting up the Playstation and getting everything in place. Jake turned his attention to Jeremy, who flinched instinctively. A small pang of guilt bloomed in his gut. Had he really fucked with the two of them that much? He’d thought he’d been pretty civil with them, all things considered.

“Sup Jerry,” he gave him what he hoped was a comforting smile

“Jeremy,” Michael cut in without looking up from the cyberpunk rat king he was currently wrestling cables from.

“Oh shit, sorry, ‘sup Jeremy,” Jeremy tensed up 

“Uh, hi? Not to be rude but what are you like… doing here,” Jake’s smile faded to a disappointed frown

“Same reason you are? To hang out with Michael, and you I guess,” it was mostly Michael and they all knew it. 

“But… why? What are your intentions with my best friend,” his voice was a little steadier now and he squared his shoulders as best he could. It was not the least bit intimidating, if anything it was a little endearing.

“I’m- I’m not trying to muscle in on your best friend territory, if that’s what you mean,” 

Michael let out that same, almost mocking laugh he had yesterday, “You couldn’t if you tried,” although Jake got the feeling that was more for Jeremy’s sake than his, he already knew he wanted something different from him.

“Yeah, you couldn’t,” Jeremy scowled, face bright red, and fingers tapping frantically, “If you’re trying to fuck with him-”

“I’m not! You two are super paranoid, you know that?” 

“Can you blame us?” that gave him pause. He… supposed he couldn’t, no.

“...I’m sorry,” 

Both of them stopped what they were doing and stared at him ,”Uh…” Jeremy looked to Michael

“It’s… okay?” this had never happened before. To either of them. From anyone. To suddenly have it happening to both of them, at once, from Jake Dillinger of all people, was wild.

“Game’s set up,” Michael thankfully interrupted what was sure to be a painfully awkward silence, shuffling back and gesturing Jeremy over to sit on his beanbag while Michael sat on the floor. Jeremy didn’t argue, his ass was far too bony to survive sitting on the basement floor for longer than five minutes, “Jake, you want the controller?” the taller boy nodded and gave him another charming smile before they settled in to play.

Truthfully, Jake didn’t get this game. As far as he could tell this was just a bunch of randomly generated colours. Maybe you really did have to be high to appreciate it, Michael and Jeremy seemed to be having the time of their lives, Jake hadn’t managed to get secondhand high. He didn’t think so anyway, he wouldn’t really know. He was fucking hungry if that counted. Michael and Jeremy had demolished the snack supply already- how long had they been at this?

“What time is it?” he asked, looking over to the two friends. At some point during the session Michael had shifted to lean against Jeremy’s chest and was currently having his hair played with as they both stared slack-jawed at the technological kaleidoscope before them. Jake did his best to quash that flare of jealousy- sure Michael’s hair probably felt amazing but they were best friends, they probably did this all the time and this train of thought didn’t help the gnawing jealousy one bit. They were both staring at him blankly.

“What?”

“What?”

“Yeah,”

“What?”

“What time is it?”

“Oh, uh… fuck it’s like eleven, shouldn’t you be gone by now?” Michael didn’t necessarily sound like he wanted Jake to leave, “Jeremy’s already stayin’, you wanna stay the night? Moms won’t mind, they’re just glad I know more than one person now,” 

Jake frowned at that. Michael was cute and funny and unique and he should know so many people? He told him that and a slow, lazy grin stretched across the shorter boy’s face, freckles almost disappearing under his blush. Jeremy was just cackling and poking Michael in the cheek obnoxiously with a terrible stage whisper

“He liiiikes you, Jake Dillinger is gaaay for youuu,” 

“He does, that’s so weird,” Michael snort-giggled and pulled his hoodie up over his face. This was the cutest fucking thing Jake had ever seen in his entire life. He felt like ripping his heart out and presenting it to the boy right then and there, but he refrained.

“I’m not gay, I’m… I’m girls too?” fuck, he’s girls and boys, “Bi??”

“Could be pan,” Michael pointed out casually, still inside his hood, “The flag looks like you,” Jake quickly looked it up on his phone. It was was a pretty flag. He wasn’t entirely sure what Michael meant when he said it looked like him, but he’d take it. 

“It’s pretty,” Michael hummed in agreement, Jeremy had zoned out. A light blush took its place on Jake’s face as it registered that Michael had indirectly called him pretty. Fuck, he was in deep.

“You’re pretty,” Michael made a strangled noise that snapped Jeremy out of his trance and he draped his arms over the shorter boy’s chest, giving Jake a protective (if unfocused) glare, “Jerry-my I called him pretty,” 

“Good, he is,” he huffed and buried his face in Michael’s shoulder with an unsettling display of flexibility. Were they always this touchy-feely or was it the weed? 

“Fuckin’ go to sleep, Jeremy,” he tried to untangle his friend’s uncoordinated lank from around himself and half dragged, half carried him over to the bed, “You are drunk,”

“I’m not drunk I’m high,” he giggled and koala clung himself to his friend who eventually just gave up and slumped onto the floor right there and then with another inhuman sound.

Jake had no idea what the fuck he’d just witnessed. 

“Uh- do you need help with that?”

He just got snoring in response.

*

Jeremy awoke the next morning with a familiar sluggishness, head hazy and arms tangled around...something. He didn’t bother to look, it was probably Michael. It wouldn’t be the first time they woke up cuddling and being real, it wouldn’t be the last. Jeremy just sighed and snuggled into the warmth of his friend, slipping his hands up his hoodie to leech extra warmth. Michael grumbled in his sleep and Jeremy gave him a light poke in the ribs.

“C’mon dude, s’time for school,”

“We still have a few hours,” a voice Jeremy had completely forgotten was there spoke up from across the room

“JESUS-” Jeremy jumped away from Michael, frantically pushing him away from the embrace and onto the floor, where he just whined and felt around for the blanket, curling up again on the floor when he found it, “What the- shit, it’s you?”

“It’s me!” how on earth Jake could be this chipper so early was beyond him. He really was like a puppy, “Mrs. Rosa said breakfast would be ready in about half an hour, you wanna wake him or should I like… carry him up,”

“C-carry him?” 

“What? You saying I couldn’t? I could carry both of you,” Jake squared his shoulders proudly. Jeremy watched with envy. Curse this narrow frame.

“Don’t carry me,” the pile of blanket groused, making no effort to move himself

“Suit yourself,” he shrugged, stretching himself out from the uncomfortable makeshift beanbed he’d slept on with a groan of his own before moving to crouch before the Michael pile. Jeremy was still sat cross legged on the bed, trying to wake himself up. Jake poked the pile and it whined. He did it again. Michael poked his head out to glower at him and Jake’s heart actually fucking fluttered. His hair was messy and he didn’t have his glasses on and his eyes were so dark and all Jake could do was stare, a blush forming on his cheeks.

“Jeremy what face is he making, I can’t see shit,”

“Like he wants to bone you,” Jeremy’s reply came after a second to analyse, passing Michael his glasses to… see for himself maybe? You don’t really get these two, but you wanted to, for some reason. You give Michael a bright smile when he can see you again, and Jeremy speaks again, “Now he looks like he wants to marry you, in case you were wondering,”

“Okay Mister Jeremiah Canigula,” 

“I-um, that’s-” Jake blustered, face as red as Jeremy’s and fidgeting nervously, “I mean, I-I’d be down if he was but I don’t think, I mean, he’s-”

“Nope,” he was warming up to Jake, if slowly, but it was safe to say he was nowhere near that point.

A well timed shout from upstairs drew them out of their thoughts. Michael made his way up with the blanket still wrapped around his shoulders and the other two followed after, careful not to trip either him or themselves. Michael’s mothers were both seated at the table, a mountain of pancakes in the middle and places set for each of the boys- Michael made sure to sit between Jeremy and Jake, he wasn’t sure if the other boy was still nervous around him but seeing as it was Jeremy the answer was probably.

“You boys sleep well?” Jeremy smiled and gave a polite nod and Jake turned on his charm, complimenting the women on their home and breakfast. Michael just lay slumped over the table, attempting to eat sideways. Jake noted that neither Jeremy nor his mothers seemed to be particularly bothered by this. Michael was a weird dude.

“Yeah, they both passed out on the floor so I picked them up and put them to bed,” Michael’s head lifted from the table and Jeremy stared at him in abject horror, “...What? Did you not remember that?” they were pretty blazed, but Jake thought it best not to mention that in front of his mothers. He shrugged, “I mean, don’t worry, didn’t undress you or anythin’ weird like that, you just looked like you’d be more comfortable there,”

“Th-thank you?” 

“No prob buddy,” and there was that grin again. Michael was really starting to hate that grin, but he couldn’t quite grasp why.

Michael’s Therapy Mom giggled behind her hand and stood up, ruffling Jeremy’s hair on the way past since Michael had put his head back down. He leaned into her hand instinctively then stopped himself, turning red.

“You should get ready for school while you still have time, don’t wanna be late,” Rosa smiled and started tidying up as Michael slipped out to grab a shower and Jeremy led Jake back to the basement to grab their own things. Jeremy always ended up getting one the night before and Jake figured he could deal without for a day.

“Hey, so um… you’re gonna ignore us at school, right?” Jeremy shuffled, fussing with the buttons on his cardigan. He was still nervous around the other boy, but it’s amazing what getting hopelessly and embarrassingly stoned around someone can do for overall comfort levels, “Your friends don’t like us, we don’t like them, it’d end… badly for us, probably,”

“What- no, they’ll leave you alone if I’m there,” at least they would if he made an effort to stop them, which he… really should have been doing already, now he thinks about it, “But I will if you want,”

“I- yeah, that’d be. For the best, I think,” Jeremy stared at him in silence as he tossed Michael’s blanket back over his bed to perch on the edge, waiting for his friend. He was visibly nervous, twitching his fingers and fiddling with the hem of his shirt, Jake wondered if this dude was ever not on the verge of a panic attack. “So...dudes, huh? I mean, I think I remember you deciding what you were last night. Why Michael?” he immediately made a face, “No, that’s- I mean, no, Michael’s great, I totally understand why people would in general, just not…” Jeremy gestured to him.

“Oh, yeah, pan- about that, um... please don’t tell anyone? I don’t know how people are gonna take it, I mean, Rich said it was okay if it was me, but that’s-”

Jeremy cut him off, looking offended, “Dude we’re not gonna out you, what kind of assholes do you think we are?” wait, “Richard Goranski was okay with you liking dudes? The guy’s been harrassing us over that for years and I’m not even gay,”

“You’re not- I mean… yeah? I guess, as long as it’s me. He said I could do better than Michael but he’s a dumbass sometimes. I think he mostly doesn’t like you two,” Jake frowned at that. He’d have to ask him about it today.

“Whatever, I’m not even surprised at that. You didn’t answer my question. Why do you of all people, suddenly have an interest in Michael. Is it ‘cause he’s the only gay guy you know, ‘cause you’re wrong about that but that’s what he thinks anyway,” Jeremy knew for a fact that Michael’s weed guy was at least bi. 

The taller boy’s frown deepened, “No, that’s backwards? I didn’t know I liked boys until I started liking Michael. He’s different and he’s cute, there’s… not much else to it, I don’t think,” that was pretty much what had drawn him to all the girls he’d dated too.

“Are you telling me my best friend Michael Mell was your gay awakening?”

“I mean can you really blame him Jeremy, look at me,” Michael was stood in the doorway with a cocky grin on his face, towel around his waist and hair a sopping mess. Jake immediately turned away, partly out of decency, partly to hide his blush. Jeremy just rolled his eyes.

“Yes, you’re a dusky sex God, Michael, we’re all very aware,” Jake would be very happy if the floor could be so kind as to swallow him up right now, please. He turned back around when Michael had pants on at least, trying not to stare. Staring wasn’t gentlemanly. Only creepers stared, he thought, staring. Michael was solid and stocky, with broad shoulders and a soft tummy peppered with freckles and a few silvery stretch marks, and Jake’s heart fluttered hopelessly again. The girls he’d dated had all been small and willowy- not that there was anything wrong with either, this was just… different. Michael was different and he loved it.

“Dude he’s totally checking you out,” Jeremy stage whispered again to his friend, and Jake felt his face heat up

“S-sorry, I’ll just-” he turned his entire body to the wall- don’t be suspicious, don’t see that Michael is also blushing as he pulls on his signature hoodie and gives Jeremy a light punch on the arm.

“Asshole, come on,” he turned his attention to Jake, “You want me to drop you off a block or so away from school so you don’t have to be seen with us or do you feel like committing social suicide today?” he sounded like he was joking, but was he really? Jake bit his lip, thinking.

“A block away. You two are fun but I have some… stuff to work out first, sorry bromies,” Michael shrugged. He’d expected as much. To be entirely fair to the guy, he really did seem to have a lot going on right now.

“D-did he just call us bronies?” Jeremy sounded scandalised

“He said bromies you fucking furry, turn your hearing aid up,” and with that they left for school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jake has no idea how to people when they dont just automatically like him hes so,,,,,,


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes friends are good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heads up for homophobia :(

Jake didn’t have a chance to catch up with Rich until study hall. They were graced with a teacher who didn’t give a shit so it was always loud enough that they could have a conversation without anyone listening in on them. Rich was currently carving something into the table with fervent concentration, tongue poking out between his teeth and brows furrowed. Jake figured it was probably a dick. It was usually dicks with Rich. He’d been trying to muster the courage to bring the whole sexuality thing up with him for half an hour now- sure he’d said he didn’t care before but that was a hypothetical. This was a definite. Just as definite as the amount of shit he’d given Michael for being gay all this time.

He swallowed and bit the bullet, “So, uh… I know what I am now,”

“Say what?” Rich looked up from his masterpiece, blinking.

“Remember that thing we talked about before? With uh, you-know-who?”

He made a face, “Yeah, what about it?” 

“I know what I am now,” he repeated, picking at his nails anxiously, “Pansexual?”

“You fuck pans?”

Jake gave him a confused look, “What the fuck, no, why would it mean- no, it means I like boys and girls and like... everyone, really,” he hadn’t quite understood the brief explanation about gender Michael had given him in the car but just because he didn’t understand it didn’t mean it wasn’t a thing. There’d be a lot of things that wouldn’t be things if they stopped being things just because he didn’t understand them. Like gravity. Or airplanes.

Also the flag really was very pretty.

“Okay,” Rich seemed to zone out for a few seconds, Jake really wasn’t sure how to take it. The vague stare and silence made him antsy.

“Is that… okay?”

He snapped out of it, “I- what, yeah? Of course? Just ‘cause I give them shit for shit doesn’t mean I really care about shit,” homophobia was a tool to Rich. He'd known that on some level, but to hear it confirmed was… he was conflicted.

Jake frowned, “You should lay off them. They’re actually pretty cool, or- no, they’re not cool, they’re massive nerds, but, they’re good guys,” 

Rich just shook his head in disbelief, “Jake they’re fucking freaks, we’re better than them,”

“But why?”

“The fuck do you mean why, are you alright, did he do something to you? Is this some kind of homo cock magic?”

“Rich!” 

“Fine! Fucking hell, I’ll cut them some slack,”

They didn’t speak for the rest of the day.

*

Jake found himself paying more attention to the both of them in whatever classes he shared, he saw that Michael retreated into himself and Jeremy seemed constantly on edge whenever they were alone. Together they seemed happier, more comfortable. Them against the world. He wondered what that was like, he clearly didn’t have the friendship he thought he’d had with Rich. Did he have any real friends the way they did? Rich was… decidedly not, at least at the moment, Chloe was Chloe, Brooke was- well, Brooke was sweet. Brooke liked gay people, he was pretty sure it was one of them who did. Statistically it would be Brooke, seeing as Chloe didn't much like anything. Maybe he could talk to her about this? He wasn’t gay but he figured this would be close enough.

Brooke smiled at him when he sat beside her for Geography, taking out her earbuds and making full eye contact, something he’d never considered to be anything notable until he noticed Michael almost never did it. 

He decided to bite the bullet, “I’m not straight and I like Mell,” her smile dropped, but not nastily, never nastily. She was just surprised, and understandably so really.

“What? Seriously? The weird headphones kid? You’re gay?” 

“Pan,”

She tilted her head, “Like the kitchen thing?”

“What- no! Why does everyone think it’s a kitchen thing, it’s like… Latin or something for all,” he had vague and approximate knowledge of the information Michael had loaded on him once he was sober. If he was honest with himself he'd been paying more attention to how the other boy's eyes had lit up at the chance to talk about something he cared about, it was incredibly different to the withdrawn ghost that floated around school constantly in his own world. The more Jake got to know him the more he liked.

“Oh, okay,” Jake could tell she didn’t get it, but she wouldn’t be an asshole. Brooke was like a sister to him in some ways, “So… why him? You could probably do better, there are other... boy likers at this school,” bless her sweet darling heart, “What about Chloe?”

“I love Chloe but you know that’s complicated,” she nodded slowly

“So.. are you out now then or? Does he know? Why him?” 

“Only to you and Rich, yes, and because… I don’t know. Everything about him is just so-” he visibly struggled to find the right words, “Different,”

“Rich?” she raised her eyebrows, “How did he take it?”

“About as well as you’d expect but also better? It was… weird. He’s a weird dude,” he didn’t particularly want to talk about Rich right now. He’d kept to his promise of leaving the two friends be, at least as far as Jake could tell. He shot Michael a quick text just to make sure while he was thinking about it.

“Okay, so… what you gonna do? You can’t ask him out,” she nibbled on the end of her pen, thinking, “He’s not cool enough to date,”

“That’s a stupid rule,” he scowled. Surprisingly, she nodded, “He doesn’t want to anyway, he doesn’t like me,”

“You already asked him out? Wait- you got rejected by weird headphones kid?” 

“I’m working on it, I spent the night at his yesterday- don’t give me that face, we just played games, Jeremy was there too. His moms are dope,”

“Michael has two moms?” Jake couldn’t help but feel that it said a lot that people didn’t know the most cursory things about the boy.

“Yeah, Rosa and Elaine. They’re sweet,”

“Huh. Okay, so, what are you gonna do? You want me to work my magic on him?” she grinned and twinkled her fingers. He wasn’t entirely sure what she meant by that but he figured Brooke of all people couldn’t go making things worse.

“Sure, why not,”

*

J: hey :)  
J: has rich been bothering you?

M: you mean like in general or just today?  
M: todays been quiet  
M: jeremys half convinced hes planning our actual literal murder and im not completely certain thats just his anxiety talking

J: no i told him to leave you alone  
J: also i dont think were friends anymore :(

M: oh no what a shame  
M: but just  
M: yknow if i could introduce some hot and spicy logic up in this bitch rich is an asshole and if you werent friends hed have been tormenting us extra hardcore today out of sheer spite

J: i really wish you were wrong about that  
J: im sorry hes so  
J: him  
J: hes not always so him i promise :(

M: what a ringing endorsement  
M: hey uh  
M: jeremy cant come over tonight do you wanna come chill again

J: :D dude id love to!  
J: im gonna head home first tho, shower and shit

M: you know the way to mine or do you want me to drive you and wait with your parents or w/e?  
M: get some good old fashioned parental awkwardness brand revenge

J: no its cool i know the way :) you dont live far from me  
J: weird that i havent seen you around more

M: its adorable that you assume i leave the house

J: thats not good for you dude, im gonna take you out somewhere some time :(

M: wow youd actually wanna be seen in public with me?

J: of course  
J: id be lucky to be seen with you ;)

M: thats a lie and we both know it  
M: ill see you later dude jeremys having a chrisis  
M: get it  
M: christine  
M: crisis  
M: im fucking hilarious  
M: yea tho later

J: haha  
J: later :)

*

R: hey  
R: im like  
R: sorry i guess

J: its okay  
J: thanks for leaving them alone

R: whatever  
R: it was for you   
R: i still dont like em  
R: they aint gonna be good for your social standing you know  
R: im just worried  
R: i dont wanna stop bein friends w you but im not gonna have a choice :/

J: the fuck  
J: yes you do rich you ass are you fucking serious right now?  
J: are really saying were only friends because we’re popular??

R: no look dude its like  
R: fuck i cant explain okay but i dont have a choice just  
R: dont let them drag you down  
R: please

J: bye rich.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> reblog 2 delete richs squip


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael has a Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some soft n spicy gay/lesbian solidarity

The very last thing Michael had expected to happen today was to be cornered by Brooke Lohst of all people. He was so caught off guard he didn’t even think to resist as she tugged him into a dark corner, presumably so she wouldn’t be caught actually interacting with him. She put her hands on her hips and craned her neck to look up at him, sternly.

“What are your intentions with my friend?” boy, didn’t this sound familiar. Jake had told people then, that wouldn't come back to bite him in the ass or anything.

He blinked down at her owlishly, fingers itching to slip his headphones back on and walk away, but he didn’t want her to start crying or something so he settled for pulling his hood back up, shuffling uncomfortably and trying to look anywhere but at her, “What?”

“Jake! He likes you! What are you gonna do about it?” 

“I- nothing? I don’t like him that way? If you’d planned to drag me in here to tell me to keep my loser germs off him you really didn’t need to,” he sounded vaguely irritated, as people usually did when backed into uncomfortable situations. Her face softened at that.

“Geez, I thought nerds were meant to be smart, Jake can date who he wants, I just... don’t want him to be hurt again, y’know? I love Chloe but they’re not exactly good for each other. I think someone like you would be good for him,” she smiled at him again, regardless of his mumbling and refusal to actually look at her. This certainly wasn’t what he’d expected to hear. Popular people could actually make decent friends apparently, who know? 

“Someone like me?”

“Yeah, like… you’re not gonna cheat on him ‘cause nobody else likes you- no offense, just like, a fact, plus he thinks you’re weird so he’s not gonna get distracted by anyone else when he’s got you there dorking it up twenty-four seven,” he could tell she wasn’t meaning to be rude. When girls like her were cruel it was much more subtle, masked as polite interest or common decency. Something about Brooke’s bluntness made him trust her. He sighed and rubbed his face tiredly, this was far too much unprepared social interaction for today.

“I’m giving him a chance. I’m not promising anything,” being bullied into a date is the opposite of what usually happened to him. Being asked out as a joke wasn’t a hugely common occurrence (likely because he said no before they could take it anywhere), but it was common enough for him to see the irony in this.

“Thank you,” she leant up, tugging him down a little to peck him on the cheek with a bubbly grin, “No hetero,”

He couldn’t help but laugh as she bounced off, as confused as he was charmed.

*

“Michaelangelo Mellard why the hell and fuck do you have lipstick on your cheek,” Jeremy sat across from him grumpily, “You can’t seriously have gotten more girl action than me, you don’t even like girls, that’s not fair!”

Michael looked up with a serious expression, “I’m sorry Jeremy, it’s happened. I’ve finally found The One. The girl to make my dick dance,” Jeremy snorted up his (illegal) milk and immediately went bright red coughing and trying to clean himself off. 

“No, seriously though, how obvious is it, how many people have seen this, I can’t have people thinking I’m straight Jeremy,” Michael rubbed at his cheek with the sleeve of his hoodie, smearing it around further

“Dude, stop that, you’re making it worse, let’s just- fuck, bathroom, now,” Michael just raised his eyebrows and followed him with a wide Cheshire grin. The good thing about pure and wholesome friendship is that often you didn’t even need to say anything for your buddy to know you’re ripping the shit out of them, “Stop,”

They made their way to the bathroom and stood at the sinks, washing off their respective mess- Michael had an easier time of it than Jeremy, who had milk down his shirt to contend with. Michael perched himself on the counter and handed him paper towels, chatting and joking about anything that didn’t have to do with the current situation. They were fairly certain they were alone until Richard fucking Goranski stepped out of the stall and froze, staring at them. They stood still, like if they moved he’d suddenly realise who they were and where they were and that they were the only ones who were where they were and that would just be a mess for everyone. After a tense, heavy couple of seconds, he just glared at them and left without a word.

“What the fuck was that?” Jeremy half wheezed, clinging to Michael’s hand with as much of a death grip as his wimpy noodle arms could muster, just now remembering that breathing was perhaps a necessity.

“I have absolutely no idea,” Michael automatically rubbed small circles in Jeremy’s hand with his thumb and shook his head, “Maybe that wasn’t him,”

“If he isn’t coming for us now that means he’s got something worse in store, you know that right? He’s probably going to kill us, you know that? We’re going to die in real life Michael,”

“Shh, he’s too much of a pussy to kill us,” he brought Jeremy’s hand up to give him a comforting little peck and slipped back down, “Don’t worry about it, dude, let’s go do food,”

Jeremy slid his hand out of Michael’s before they got back to their table, which surprisingly hadn’t been taken over or messed with in their absence. They sat back down and Michael sighed, burying his face in his arms. Jeremy silently reached a hand over and Michael took it, playing with his fingers while Jeremy ate his sandwich one handed and stared into space. 

“Today is rough,” he finally said, voice soft.

“You wanna skip?- Wait, shit, no, I can’t skip with you, I’ve got the dentist this afternoon,” Jeremy groaned and slumped against his friend, “Sorry dude. You shouldn’t be alone though, your brain gets dumb. Maybe… maybe call Jake? Last night was actually pretty fun,”

“...Okay,” he didn’t particularly want to, but he didn’t really want to argue either, “M’not gonna skip though, I have music next. I can just chill in a corner, she lets me do my own thing,” most teachers did by now, he was quiet and did the work and they had more irritating students to deal with. He’d message Jake next lesson, see if he wasn’t already doing something with his millions of friends.

“It was from Brooke,” he said after a few minutes comfortable silence, just Jeremy fidgeting with a hair tie and Michael fidgeting with his other hand, “The lipstick. She said she thought I’d be good for Jake,”

Jeremy nodded slowly, thinking about it, “You’d be good for a lot of people. You’re a good guy, Michael. If you were a girl I’d date you,” he said this matter-of-factly, like it was the kind of thing everyone thought about their best friend.

“Thanks Jeremy,” and he meant it. He gave his friend’s knuckles another soft, grateful kiss and put his hood up and headphones on until the end of lunch.

*

He couldn’t say Jake was late because they hadn’t agreed on a time, but Jake was later than Michael had expected him to be. Had he forgotten? Maybe he’d just decided he didn’t want to come. That wouldn’t be so shocking, it wasn’t like Michael had really given him much reason to hang around. Maybe he could try being nicer to the guy when- if he came round. Was Michael disappointed? He had no idea how he felt about the other boy at the moment. He was… well he was attractive, let’s get that out of the way. That was just a fact, didn’t necessarily mean anything. Water is wet, the sky is up, Jake Dillinger is hot. He was cheerful, and bouncy, and surprisingly kind, once he actually decided to give a damn about something. He made excuses for his shitty friends. He was loyal. He was self-centered. He hadn’t known Jeremy’s name. He was an idiot. He thought he knew his name. He’d seemed genuinely upset when he realised what he’d had a part in over the years. He had a nice smile.

Michael squinted at his ceiling. He was actually starting to like Jake Dillinger. Not romantically, he didn’t think, but as a person? He could actually see himself being friends with this boy. It wouldn’t go anywhere beyond his basement probably, Jake had offered but that didn’t mean he meant it. He’d generally accepted that a lot of people considered themselves to have better things to do than hang around with someone like Michael, which he firmly considered to be their problem but it was something to keep in mind.

He sighed and put it out of his mind. He'd just see how things went, no use in worrying over something that's going to happen regardless. He shot Jake a message.

M: you alive over there?

J: life sucks and friends suck and everything is ass :(

M: well shit  
M: you still coming or do you want some space or???

J: no im still coming i just got a thing to deal with first  
J: sorry dude i wont be long  
J: have you eaten?  
J: Ill bring pizza

M: you met my mother of course ive eaten  
M: im always down for pizza tho  
M: get plain cheese im not a heathen

J: haha will do :) see you soon

M: see ya :)

Michael squinted at that last message. He hadn’t meant to add that smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love jermo and michaels friendship if u couldnt tell
> 
> would yall want more art in this in the future or??


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jake is good at romance

True to his word Jake had brought a cheese pizza along, plopping it on the bed in between the two of them and giving Michael a sheepish smile as he settled down opposite him. Michael lounged in what he hoped was a super chill and casual way and not just like he’d slept funny, one leg tucked under him and leaning back against the wall

“Sorry I was late dude, Rich was being…”

“Rich?” it was the least insulting thing that came to mind right then. Let nobody say that Michael didn’t at least try to be polite.

“Yeah,” his face fell and he grabbed a slice, drowning his sorrows in grease, “It’s not even me liking dudes he has a problem with, which I thought he’d hate me for, it’s just, uh, you,”

Michael shrugged, nibbling at his own, “I’m not most people’s first choice. Most people aren’t mine either, it’s not a big deal,” he was Jeremy’s first choice, and that was enough for him.

“Well you are mine,” 

Michael snorted around his pizza, “Dude, you’ve spoken to me for like three days, the most complimentary thing you could say about me was that I wasn’t fat, and you don’t even know why you like me, there’s no way I’m your first choice,”

Jake just shrugged, “I dunno, lovey stuffs always like that for me. I’m wired fast, I guess?” he bit his lip, thinking, “I know why I like you now though,”

“Uh-huh. Why then,” Michael couldn’t rightly argue with him on that first part considering Jeremy had fallen head over fuck for Christine the very first time she’d spoken to him. He didn’t get the whole ‘love at first sight’ thing personally, but then the only person he’d ever liked was Jeremy so he definitely wasn’t an authority on the matter.

“‘Cause you’re you. No matter what anyone else thinks. You do weird shit ‘cause that’s what you want to do,” Jake nodded, as if affirming his own words, “And you’re like, super hot. I don’t know why you go around in that bigass hoodie all the time,”

Now was not the best time to choke but did his throat care about that? No. No it did not. Michael coughed and hacked a few times before turning to the blonde boy with disbelieving laughter in his voice, “What the fuck?”

Jake seemed incredibly concerned, reaching over to clap him on the back a few times- it hurt more than anything but the thought was there, “What?”

“You can’t just say- I mean, I like my hoodie. It’s- you wouldn’t get it, okay, I just like it,” he fiddled with the strings on the front, twirling them around a finger.

“Try me,”

Michael eyed him cautiously. It wasn’t that he was ashamed of his Brain Shit, not even a little bit, it’s who he was and that was that and he knew both his Mothers and Jeremy (to a much less effective extent, but the passion was there) were prepared to throw down if anyone made him feel otherwise, but the prospect of possibly giving people ammo against him was... uncomfortable. 

Somehow he knew Jake wouldn’t use it against him, though.

“...It’s a comfort thing. And a sensory thing. And a safety thing. Being around people gets… too much sometimes. The hoodie helps me like, hide?” he winced inwardly at that, hiding seemed like such a childish word. 

Jake nodded as he spoke, eyebrows furrowed. He couldn’t relate, not even a little bit, he’d always been the poster boy for extroversion, but he tried to be empathetic, “That sucks bro,” 

Michael shrugged, “I’m used to it,”

“You are super hot under the hoodie though, you know that right? Like. That’s something you’re aware of?”

Michael tilted his head back and hummed, “Hadn’t really thought about it before,” that wasn’t entirely true. He’d never agonised over it the way Jeremy did, but he had moments of uncertainty. Everyone did. He raised an eyebrow, looking Jake over, “You really think?”

“Uh, yeah dude? You look like, comfy and shit,”

He hummed. “Jeremy says so too,” 

“You like him, don’t you?”

“He’s my best friend, of course I like him,”

“You know what I mean, I can like, back off if you wanna be a thing with him instead?”

Michael snorted again, “He’s straight, you don’t have to,” was that admitting that he was maybe giving Jake a chance here? It might have been. It might not have been. (It was.)

“I’m sorry, man,”

Michael shrugged again, changing the subject, “I’m happy being friends with him. What was Rich doing?”

Jake just made a face, “I don’t wanna talk about it,” he didn’t know what the fuck was up with his friend lately, he was usually a pretty strange guy but this was different somehow. He’d be worried if he wasn’t so pissed off at him.

“Hey, uh, is this a date?” Jake asked after a moment’s silence, an unfamiliar nervousness creeping into his voice

Michael blinked, “I- I don’t know, I’ve never been on a date before. Is it?”

“I’d like if it was,” he blasted that stupid charming smile right at him, “Can I kiss you?”

Michael couldn’t reply. What the almighty fuck was happening right now. Was he dead? Was this his own unique and bizarre form of punishment for that time he’d called Mario a cuck? He couldn’t think of anything else he’d done that would be worthy of this kind of retribution, even if he was absolutely indisputably right in the accusation, he just- he nodded, almost without realising he was before Jake was leaning in and resting a hand on Michael’s cheek

“Wait-” he pulled back like he’d been burned, “Um, one minute, I just gotta-” Michael slipped off the bed and bolted to the bathroom to wash his face and brush his teeth and do… something with his hair. Listen if his first kiss was going to be with Jake Dillinger, he didn’t want anything going wrong that could be turned into tomorrow’s gossip. 

...Man, he really was paranoid.

Shaking his head he finished up and looked into the mirror, running his fingers through his hair to force the curls into something of a uniform shape. Michael had never done anything like this before, it might be the time for one of Jeremy’s stupid Appearance Checks. He had… eyes. He had two of those. His mouth was in the right place. His teeth weren’t but his braces were. What the fuck was he supposed to be looking for exactly? 

“God damn it Jeremy, this is even more unproductive than I thought it was,” 

He made a mental note to scold his friend about that later and made his way back to the bedroom, where Jake was sporting an almost comical deer in the headlights look.

“Are you okay dude?”

“Yeah I just- did you still want to, uh, I mean-”

“Yeah bro, absolutely,” his face lit up and Michael felt a fluttering in his chest- probably nerves. 

He sat back down on the bed across from Jake with his legs crossed, fiddling with the sleeve of his hoodie, “What do I, uh, do?” he couldn’t say this wasn’t like him because he’d never been in this situation before.

Jake smiled and pulled him closer, holding his hands, “Just follow my lead, dig?”

“Dig,” he nodded as Jake leaned forward again and pressed their lips together. The taller boy’s lips were soft and his nose was poking him in the cheek and Michael was sure either his glasses or his braces were getting in the way somehow but he still let out an involuntary whimper, sounding like a strangled cat.

Jake broke the kiss, laughing, “You okay dude?”

Michael jerked back and hunched over, whapping his hand on his knee and grinning, “Fuck, yeah, I’m fine, shit- sorry,” he forced his hand to stop and shoved it under his leg, which had immediately started jiggling. 

“I dunno what that was but it was fuckin’ adorable, you don’t have to stop,”

“Well yeah, I know I don’t have to, just- whatever, that was, nice. That was nice. It was good. Was that good? You have references, I thought that was good, that was my first, you were my first, Jake Dillinger was my first,” fuck, he was rambling. He knew that definitely wasn’t like him, “What are you doing to me?”

“Bro that was great, you have super soft skin,” Jake was absolutely enamoured by this adorable weirdo, just watching him fidget like a lovestruck puppy

“Mom makes me moisturise,” fuck, was that a weird thing to say? More importantly, did he care? Usually the answer would be a hard no, but… ugh, this whole thing had thrown him off balance, “You were my first kiss,”

“I kinda got that,” Jake shuffled over and leaned against him, “So, um… do you wanna go out with me? Like- like as boyfriends?”

Michael blinked at him, “I- you would want to? In front of other people? Aren’t they gonna give you shit for being with…” he gestured vaguely to himself. Jake huffed.

“They can try, I don’t care. You and Jeremy should hang out with me tomorrow, don’t gotta do no PDA or nothin’ if you don’t want, it’s up to you, I just. Wanna show you off?” 

Michael slipped his hand out of Jake’s and fiddled with his bracelets, “I-I dunno. Can I think about it? This is all kinda sudden,”

“Oh, sure man, no worries. I can leave you alone tomorrow if you want,” 

Michael nodded, running a hand through his hair and re-mussing the curls with a slow exhale, “Sorry, it’s just. Yeah. You know,”

“Yeah,” he didn’t, but he also didn’t want to ruin his chances here, “I should get going, I still have homework to do,”

He gave Michael’s knuckles an almost shy kiss and left.

*

Player1: jeremy  
Player1: jeremy  
Player1: jeremy  
Player1: jeremiah heere i dont care if youre high as a kite and have three teeth in your mouth right now you need to answer me  
Player1: also how was the dentist are you okay

Player2: im alive i just fainted a little  
Player2: you know how i am with needles  
Player2: its whatever im fine now whats up?

Player1: fucking hell okay  
Player1: jake kissed me and asked me out properly and i kinda said yes but not really?  
Player1: i asked for some time to think about it

Player2: holy shit  
Player2: what are you gonna do?

Player1: what do you think i should do?? You know this is gonna affect both of us  
Player1: even if i do get a bf we’re gonna be a team buddy  
Player1: we can have like. a joint wedding or something  
Player1: haha joint wedding

Player2: okay first of all that sounds amazing and we’re definitely doing that   
Player2: second of all  
Player2: if you like him you should say yes

Player1: ill think about it :U  
Player1: he was a really good kisser  
Player1: i think  
Player1: as far as i know he was great  
Player1: also if you do that appearance check thing again im gonna kick ur ass that accomplished even less than i thought it did i didnt even know what i was looking for

Player2: wtf what do you have to check  
Player2: no shit you didnt know what to look for ur a fuckin babe  
Player2: no homo

Player1: thats pretty homo jeremy but so are you u dumbass

Player2: whatever dude   
Player2: so what are you gonna tell him?

Player1: i have no idea.  
Player1: i think  
Player1: i might talk to brooke?

Player2: why brooke????

Player1: she knows jake and shes   
Player1: actually pretty nice  
Player1: fuck i dont know it just seems like a good idea  
Player1: im winging this jeremy have you not grasped that

Player2: i think we both know youre not just gonna walk up and talk to her in front of all her friends  
Player2: you want me to get her alone for you?

Player1: i was just gonna ask jake for her number but you’re adorable  
Player1: and a little creepy! always nice to add some flavor to it

Player2: shit it is isnt it  
Player2: cool that settles it im gonna die cold and alone hunched up in a basement fossilising in my own jizz while youre out gallivanting with your fifteen super hot husbands

Player1: awfully fucking presumptuous of you to assume id ever know fifteen people i like that much  
Player1: i have maybe two people i like that much

Player2: you like someone other than jake???

Player1: youre my best friend you stale croissant, if im gonna be gallivanting with anyone in this hypothetical idyllic polyamorous lovenest future its you   
Player1: im not gonna leave you to crystallise in your own spunk   
Player1: also i hate you for the things you make me say 

Player2: :3c  
Player2: are you feeling better? did you remember your meds today?

Player1: i did and yeah  
Player1: dont worry about it dude its all just a little fucky atm

Player2: thats an understatement  
Player2: sooooooo  
Player2: do you like him?

Player1: i think so?  
Player1: i dunno its a little early for me to have caught feelings  
Player1: hes cute  
Player1: and hes. Nice?? Which feels weird to say about him, he wasnt a dick about the hoodie or me running off before we kissed  
Player1: he has a really nice smile and soft lips and he makes me want to smile  
Player1: and he thinks im super hot which uh  
Player1: is pretty neato??  
Player1: sometimes i feel hella nervous around him but in a different way than the usual crushing anxiety  
Player1: i dont fuckin know dude you always dealt with the romo shit between us do i like him??

Player2: lmao yeah dude youre in deep

Player1: shit  
Player1: WHAT DO I DO JEREMY

Player2: GO OUT WITH HIM

Player1: AAAAAAAAAAAA

Player2: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Player1: FINE  
Player1: but im still gonna talk to brooke first  
Player1: just  
Player1: make sure hes being serious

Player2: if hes fucking with you i’ll take him down myself

Player1: im ngl i would pay to see that

Player2: i could take him >:(

Player1: you cant take gummy vitamins 

Player2: THAT WAS ONE TIME  
Player2: GO TO SLEEP MICHAEL >8((((

Player1: ;) night jermo  
Player1: love you dude

Player2: love you too you massive gay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> writing michael stimming got me started thats the real gay lesbian solidarity here


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richard Aleksy Goranski, a known heterosexual,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so sorry for the wait i have been fuckdeep in a depression session but happy valentines day nyall

M: hey uh  
M: its michael  
M: headphones kid  
M: jake has a thing for me?

B: omg how did you get my number???

M: got it off jake, dont worry i wont message you after this  
M: i need to ask you something  
M: you understand like… popularity stuff better than i do

B: well i mean yeah :P  
B: i am p awesome  
B: also you can talk to me?? ur p interesting michael :)

M: right  
M: so um  
M: he asked me out seriously  
M: and im thinking of saying yes but i just  
M: fuck i dont know

B: you wanna make sure nobodys gonna be rude to either of you?

M: yeah.

B: o hun i wouldnt worry about it :)  
B: things really arent as bad as they seem from down there

M: uh  
M: down here?

B: yeah like, down in losertown!

M: gotcha

B: everyone likes jake! I bet theyll like you too once they get to know you :)

M: i have reason to believe thats bullshit  
M: its 5’5 and has hair like a cockatoo

B: HE TOTALLY DOES RIGHT  
B: wait no thats my friend dont be mean :(  
B: double wait  
B: yeah nah youve probs earned at least that rich is kind of a dick to u

M: i think ive probably earned a good five stabbings by this point but whatever  
M: what about jeremy  
M: is he gonna be okay  
M: ....  
M: jeremy is my tall friend

B: oh the weird lookin one?? hes cute

M: i mean i only have the one friend but yeah hes very regular cute

B: wait  
B: mikey are u asking me for protection  
B: you know this isnt like a mafia thing???  
B: were just a regular group of friends who all happen to be super hot and everyone loves us nbd

M: right  
M: okay  
M: this has been a weird conversation  
M: thanks brooke

B: no probs mikey :)  
B: good luck w jake ;)

*

“I don’t want to do this dude, this is- he’s my friend, I don’t fucking care if he’s-”

**You know this is the only chance you’re going to get to surpass him.**

“I don’t care about that, I-I’ll shut you off, I can do that, I know how to do that, he told me how, I just-”

**Richard this is unacceptable. I thought you wanted to be popular.**

“I already am popular, you did your job, I can’t fucking do that to him,”

**And do you really think you could continue to be so without my assistance? You need me Richard. You would be nothing without me.**

“Jake is my friend, he wouldn’t care if I was a loser again,”

**Jake would hate you if he knew who you really were. Probability indicates he already does after the way you treated him.**

“I only said that shit because you told me to!”

**He doesn’t know that. This is on you. If you really want to disregard the initial objective and win back his trust you will need me functional.**

“I can- I can do this without you,”

**Neither of us believe that, Richard. Don’t you trust me? Have I ever steered you wrong?**

“You’ve been trying to get me to out my best friend to the entire school for days,”

**I am simply doing what needs to be done to ensure your continued popularity. My data states that homosexuality is outright incompatible with popularity.**

“He’s not gay, he’s pan,”

**The results are the same.**

“Im not- I can’t, that’s,”

**Richard if you’re going to find a way to switch me off then I am not going to stop you, but you know you need my help.**

Think about it.

*

Rich was, for the first time in a long time, anxious as fuck. He had not missed this feeling, not one bit, and he knew it was only going to get worse from here. He ran a hand through his hair again

**The streak needs topping up.**

‘Yeah I know, we can do it later.’

**I will remind you.**

‘Whatever, just turn off for a bit. I have to do this alone.’

**Unwise, but I will comply. Shutting off.**

He returned to pacing before the locker he was pretty sure was Mell’s- it was one he’d shoved him against enough times anyway. A pang of something hit his gut as he thought of that, but he pushed it aside as he saw a familiar flash of red down the hall. 

“Oi, headphones,” Michael visibly wilted when he caught sight of the shorter boy. The guy was kinda pretty now he looked, he could see why Jake would be into him if Jake was gonna be into any dudes. Rich jerked his head to the side as an indication to follow. Naturally Michael had no intention of doing any such thing so he stomped up, grabbed his arm, and yanked him somewhere private himself.

“Ow ow- fucking- again, really? What is it with you people and secluded corners, can’t any of you just have normal conversations?” Michael scowled and rubbed his arm where fingers had dug in.

“Don’t be a pussy, I know I’ve done worse to you,” Rich stepped back, giving him some space. This was meant to be a polite, civil conversation about a mutual friend, “Look, I jutht- fuck, I just. Wanted to apologise. For treating you like shit all this time,” 

Michael noticed the slip of his lisp but he didn’t mention it. His mothers raised a polite boy, thank you very much, but they didn’t raise a pushover, “Dragging me almost literally kicking and screaming into a dark closet and calling me a pussy probably isn’t the best way to do that,”

Rich blinked, “...Fuck, you’re right, shit, God damn it, can we start over?” he sat straddling a box and craned his neck up to look at Michael. Michael had absolutely no fucking idea what was going on right now. He stared at him, utter bafflement written across his face.

“Did you have a fucking stroke? Is that what’s happening right now?”

Rich made a frustrated grunting noise and almost reactivated his Squip- almost. The Squip was… difficult with matters like this. It would probably tell him to punch Michael in the balls and take pictures. Again. That didn’t seem as funny now, somehow, “No, I just- Jake likes you. I don’t wanna lose him, and you haven’t actually like, done anything to me, so… I’m sorry, for everything,”

“...Apologise to Jeremy and I’ll forgive you,” he wouldn’t. As much as he tried to play it off and not let the bullying bother him, it did. How could it not? But he could act like he was okay, that was the important thing

“I already did, I saw him before you. I, um, asked him not to tell you about it. Thought you might get antsy thinkin’ about it, you got that anxiety shit right?” Richard Goranski sounded nervous. Richard Goranski knew what anxiety was. Michael had at least seven feelings about that he quickly bottled up in lieu of shaking his head and sitting on another box, fiddling with his bracelets.

“Yeah. I do,” sitting down seemed to relax the other boy a little, “...Thanks,”

“I always thought you and him were a thing,”

“No, he’s straight,” Michael was getting sick of saying that and it probably showed.

“Oh. Me too,” 

“Yeah. I know,”

They lapsed into an awkward silence, the only sounds in the room were the faint hum of music from headphones, the light tapping of Rich’s nervous feet, and the soft sound of Michael’s bracelets fidgeting. They’d never been alone together without Rich trying something shitty.

“Why us?”

“My Squ- uh, I mean, I don’t know? You were there,” that made him sound like an even bigger asshole than he was, but it was possibly still better than trying to explain the whole Squip thing.

“Lots of people were there. Why us.” 

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you,”

“I also wouldn’t have believed it if someone told me I’d have Jake Dillinger asking me out and Rich Goranski apologising to me. Try me,” 

Rich stared at him evenly, thinking to himself. Either he didn’t believe him and he’d get pegged as a crazy asshole, or he would believe him and he’d get pegged as a crazy asshole who maybe wasn’t that crazy?

So he explained it to him. Freshman year, Squips, the creepy dude at Payless, Kermit, everything. His lisp slipped again a few times but again, Michael didn’t say anything. If this was true the guy clearly had some issues. If it wasn’t the guy clearly still had some issues.

“...I noticed you,” Michael didn’t really know what else to focus on here, “Always in the giant sweaters, never spoke to anyone,” 

Rich raised his eyebrows and opened his mouth to talk but Michael carried on

“I felt bad for you,”

“So… what? You carried on ignoring me?” he fought back the instinctive feeling of anger at being pitied by some loser. That wasn’t him. ...He didn’t think. It was getting hard to tell nowadays.

“I tried talking to you, dude. Don’t you remember? You told me to fuck off so I just kinda. Left you to it after that,” Rich’s eyes widened in recognition- he had vaguely remembered somebody trying to talk to him on a particularly bad day, he’d never even registered who it was, “Then you came back after summer and started being a huge asshole so I just, whatever, you know?”

“That wath you?” it was such a small interaction but it had meant so much to him at the time. He didn’t like how easily the details had slipped from his mind since then.

Michael gave him a concerned look when he quickly and instinctually slapped himself, he played it off like he was swatting at a fly both of them knew wasn’t there.

“...Yeah, it was. And this… Squip thing, that’s the reason you came back so different?”

“Yeah,”

“For what it’s worth Rich, I would have been your friend then,” now? Hell no. Absolutely not. Probably.

“You’re in the same position I was, you could get one too, I got a guy-”

Michael snorted, “Yeah, no, I don’t want some glorified Windows Vista telling me I have to change everything about myself to impress some randos I don’t even like, no offence,” a little offence.

Rich looked conflicted, “Yeah, that’s, probably for the best. They… make you do stuff you don’t want to,” he ran a hand through his hair again, it was a mess by now but he didn’t care, “I had to turn mine off to even talk to you,”

“Why not turn it off completely then? Don’t take this the wrong way but this is the only time I’ve ever considered you a real person, you’re actually not that bad without it,” Rich winced.

“I can’t,” 

“Can’t or don’t want to?”

“Can’t. You need Mountain Dew Red, the old one they discontinued,” a part of him wasn’t sure he wanted to yet, but he couldn’t even if he was. 

Michael was quiet for a few moments, “I could get that,”

“What?”

“I got a guy,”

“You got an old soda guy?”

“You don’t?” 

Rich burst out laughing and Michael flinched for a second before regaining his composure, “You’re a weird dude, Mell,”

“I’m aware,” he tapped his fingers on his leg and looked the shorter boy over. He was still half expecting him to jump up and… bite him or something. He’d never bitten him before but if there was ever a time it was going to happen it would be now, “Why do you wanna get rid of this squid thing now?”

“Squip. I didn’t have any friends when I took it. Had nothin’ to lose. I have shit to lose now,” he crossed his arms and looked away, “It wants me to turn on Jake. I don’t want to,”

“Hm,” Michael looked him over contemplatively, “...You sure you’re straight?”

Rich bristled, snapping at him, “Yes of course I’m fuckin’ sure, how would you not be sure about something like that?”

Very easily, Michael wanted to say, but he wasn’t going to push his luck. He just shook his head, “Whatever dude. Is that all you wanted? Can I go now?”

“Gimme your phone,” the skepticism on Michael’s face must have been obvious because he rolled his eyes, “I’m giving you my number, dumbass, for the Dew?” he was still skeptical but he handed his phone over. Rich punched in his number with his tongue poking between his teeth (something Michael loathed to admit was actually kinda cute) then handed it back and swaggered out the room like nothing had happened.

Michael just shook his head and headed to class. It seemed strange to suddenly have three new numbers in his phone after years of just Jeremy and his mothers.

He’d have to talk to him and Jake later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> imagine having kermit the frog talk to u like that


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jake is chill.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> everyone s comments are so nice yall Sustain me omg ;a;

“And he didn’t hurt you?” 

Jeremy shook his head, “Honestly I think that was the scariest part. He just came up to me, told me he was sorry and said he was only a dick cause a computer in his head told him to be,”

“He told you about that thing just like that? I had to ask him about it,” Michael frowned, a little uneasy with that information for reasons he couldn’t quite place.

“I mean… yeah?”

“Did he offer you one? He did me,”

“He did? Wh-what did you say?” 

“No, obviously? I don’t want anything to do with that. Why, what did you say?”

Jeremy fidgeted, not answering him. Michael paused the game and turned to him, growing stern.

“Jeremiah Heere you are not taking that Squip. You saw what an asshole it made Rich, you know you’re already like a million times better than that in every way, right?” it wasn’t very often that Michael put his foot down against something, right now the only thing that was coming to mind for Jeremy was that time he’d joked about getting him a bazinga shirt. That had not gone over well, “You don’t need to change, there’s nothing wrong with you,”

“I-I’m not going to! I was just saying, like, it might not be the worst thing in the world to just… check it out?”

“Jeremy,” Michael put his controller down and scowled at him, “There’s no reason to check it out. Besides, you don’t even know how much it would cost, something like that wouldn’t come cheap,”

“Um… actually,” Jeremy rubbed the back of his neck anxiously, “Rich said it would be six hundred,”

“You asked for the _price_?”

“I didn’t ask, he just told me!”

“Jeremy-” Michael cut himself off and sighed, scooting his beanbag closer to his friend’s, resting their shoulders together, “Just... please promise me you won’t do it? You really, really don’t need to, dude,”

Jeremy mumbled something dismissive in reply and Michael gave him a nudge, “Please? That thing is bad news, even Rich asked me to help him get rid of it,”

“...Okay,” 

Michael smiled and threw an arm around his shoulder, leaning their heads together, “Thanks man,”

Jeremy was a mess but he was Michael’s mess, and if he was going to do anything to help himself into a better place it wasn’t going to be through some weird computer pill that not even Richard Fucking Goranski wanted to deal with anymore.

He’d be sure of that.

*

M: i have a hookup but it wont be here for a couple of weeks

R: fuck

M: ?

R: nothing  
R: shits just sinking in  
R: thanks for the heads up

*

Jeremy had been acting twitchy lately- or twitchier than usual at least, and Michael was willing to bet his favourite socks on those fucking Squips being the reason. He’d made sure to up his subtle compliments, to the point a few no homos were necessary to reinforce the strictly platonic nature of Michael’s unending love for Jeremy. (Not entirely strictly platonic but Jeremy didn’t need to know that, everything he was saying was true regardless. He would not lose his best friend to whatever that thing had done to Rich to make him such a gaping asshole.)

“How’s my best friend and favourite person in the world today?” Michael draped himself over the slumped form of his friend, dropping his lunch on the table next to him. Jeremy laughed and reached up blindly to pet his hair, batting his face and knocking his glasses slightly askew

“Michaaaael,” he whined, “I’m fine you dork, get off me,” Michael slid off and rolled into the seat beside him, flashing him a bright grin.

“Can I help it if I have the best friend in the world? I have to fully appreciate him, you know,”

“Yeah whatever, have you told Jake you’re ready to slam dong or whatever?” Jeremy never was smooth when it came to changing the subject.

Michael stopped dead, the grin falling from his face, “Fuck,”

“Fuck?”

“I forgot,”

“You forgot?”

“I forgot!”

“What do you mean you forgot?”

“I forgot to answer him!”

“How the hell did you forget to answer him!”

“I don’t know Jeremy, there’s a lot going on right now, fuck!”

“Hey, hey, dude, calm down, he’ll understand, he’s kind of a dumbass too, he’ll get forgetting stuff, probably?” Jeremy gave Michael his hand. General social situations he was fine fucking up with, but on a personal level? It freaked him out. Not into a full blown panic attack, but it was enough to make him antsy.

“I- fuck off, but yeah, you’re right, I’ll message him, he’ll get it, I hope,”

“Yeah see, not the end of the world,” Jeremy really did have such a nice smile when it didn’t have that nervous dog vibe, “It’ll be fine, Micah,”

Michael nodded and then paused a second, “...Did you fucking say slam dong?”

“Am I wrong? He wants to,” he grinned, giving Michael’s hand a little squeeze

“I- yeah, _he_ does. I dunno if I do,”

Jeremy tilted his head, lips pursed around his straw (another illegal carton of milk, Michael noted), “I thought you liked him?”

“Just because you like someone doesn’t mean you immediately wanna bang them,” truthfully Michael wasn’t sure if he’d ever want to, but he tried not to think about that too much.

Jeremy shrugged, “I guess. I wanna like, hold hands and stuff with Christine first,”

“You’re gonna hold the fuck out of that hand one day, man,” he ignored the fact that he was the one currently holding Jeremy’s hand. He let go for unrelated reasons though, pulling his phone out to text Jake an overdue apology.

M: fuck dude im so sorry i completely forgot to get back to you  
M: its been  
M: wild

J: !!! oh thank god bro i thought you were mad at me  
J: i didnt wanna freak you out 

M: why would i be mad at you, you havent done anything??  
M: im not mad at you im just a dumbass

J: nah homie ur smart :)  
J: its chill tho dw about it!

M: okay cool  
M: and yes  
M: i mean  
M: yes i want to go out with you  
M: wait fuck am i supposed to tell you this in person 

A loud whoop from across the cafeteria caught their attention and Michael snapped his head up to see Jake standing on his table and beaming at him as Chloe tried to pull him back down with an irritated scowl. He frantically shook his head, eyes wide as a few people turned to see what Jake was looking at. He shrugged at them and buried his head back in his phone, cheeks burning as Jeremy pat him on the back and tried not to laugh.

M: PLEASE DONT DO THAT

J: RIGHT FUCK THE BRAIN THING SORRY I FORGOT ARE YOU OKAY BRO 8(

M: IM FINE JUST  
M: A LITTLE HEADS UP NEXT TIME

J: AAAA SORRY DUDE I JUST GOT SUPER EXCITED 

M: ITS FINE  
M: its fine im fine  
M: meet me in the library  
M: gdi you people have got me doing it now

J: its nice having somewhere quiet to talk!  
J: ill be there soon :D  
J: i love you <3

M: yeah i GUESS  
M: <3

Michael stared at the hearts. Was it hearts time? Already? Were they already at hearts, were they supposed to be at hearts? Fuck, he wished he had some more experience here right now.

“Jeremy he sent me a heart,” 

“That’s cute,” he was leaned over his shoulder, reading the conversation, “You better get going though, he just ran out,”

Michael nodded and gathered his stuff, giving Jeremy’s hair a good natured ruffle on his way out.

*

Jake was practically vibrating with excitement- he’d been fidgety for days now, not wanting to message his crush in fear of it cementing a solid fuck off. He knew Michael wasn’t like that but this was new territory for him. What if it was _completely_ different to dating girls? He didn’t want to mess anything up before they’d even started.

He knew Brooke had guessed something was up from that little smile she’d kept giving him, and Rich had been… distant. He hadn’t insulted anyone with real gusto for at least a week that Jake was aware of. Jake wasn’t worried about him. (Jake was incredibly worried about him.) Chloe and Jenna had both been wrapped up in their own stuff, usually involving Madeline. He couldn’t help but feel bad for Maddy sometimes. 

“Hey,” Michael smiled at him as he sank into the chair opposite him, cheeks still a little flushed, “So, um… boyfriends?”

“Boyfriends!” Jake grinned back, taking his hand in his, “I can’t wait to tell people, they’re gonna be so fuckin’ jealous,”

Michael snorted, defaulting to his usual hand holding activities, “Of me maybe. Who cares though?”

Jake rested his cheek on his other hand, watching his boyfriend play with his fingers. Fuck that was cute. He was so cute, “They should be jealous of both of us,” he flashed that grin at him again.

“We are both pretty rad,” Michael nodded, amused, “So… should me and Jeremy come sit with you tomorrow? Lunch’ll be over soon today,”

“You want to?”

“I mean, I want to sit with you, and Brooke’s nice, so, yeah?” he already knew Jeremy would jump at the chance. 

“Dude! That’s so awesome, I’m fuckin’ psyched, do you wanna go on a date this saturday? We can go get Sbarro, that place is gnarly,”

“Well I’m hardly gonna say no to pizza,” Michael snorted and after a moment’s hesitation brought his hand up to press a kiss to his knuckles, voice softer, “That sounds good,” 

Jake went bright red. He flustered and scrambled for words, “You- hand!”

“Me hand!” Michael grinned at him mischievously, chuckling as he ran a thumb over the spot he’d kissed. Jake just watched him, fondness etched into his face.

“...We should get to class,” 

“We should,” they sounded equally disappointed.

“...Hey, Jake? You should talk to Rich. He uh... he apologised to me and Jeremy. Said he didn’t want to lose you. As a friend,” Michael had his suspicions it was also more than as a friend, but frankly it wasn’t his business and he was hardly about

Jake’s face fell, “I’ll try. He’s been super weird lately, I dunno what’s gotten into him,”

Michael hummed absently and gave Jake’s hand another kiss, “Just give him a chance to explain,”

With that he left for class.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whats up im jared im 19 and i never fuckin learned how to end a chapter


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rich and Jake have a feelings jam

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how nyall doin on this fine thursday morning

“Hey, Rich,” 

Rich jumped in his seat and swivelled his head to glare at whoever had spoken, though the expression fell when he saw it was just Jake. 

Jake looking nervous.

“...Hey,” 

**Now’s the time, Rich.**

_Go away._

**You can’t keep doing this, Richard. Shutting down.**

“So, um, Michael told me what you did, like, apologising and stuff. That was pretty boss of you, dude,” he hovered a few seconds before sitting beside his friend, who just hunched back over and propped his chin on his arms.

“Yeah, well. It was for you, not them. If you’re gonna be macking on one of them you can’t have ‘em scared to hang around your friends,” not that he had been much of a friend lately.

“Still. You didn’t have to. ...Are you okay? I’ve been, um, worried about you, I guess?” Jake held his hands between his thighs and leaned forward, brows furrowed with concern.

Rich mumbled, “I’ve been a huge asshole. Like, more than usual, and to you,”

“I mean, I guess? That’s why I’m worried. You’re a good guy, Rich,” he snorted at that, he was the furthest thing from ‘good’. He was cool so long as he wasn’t left to make his own choices, but he wasn’t a good person. He never had been. 

“I’ll… be okay, okay? I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about it, I’m taking care of it, Michael’s helping me,”

“Michael?”

“He’s your boyfriend isn’t he? I’m your best friend, it’d be weird if I called him Mell now,” he hesitated before carrying on, “...We are still best friends, right?”

Jake blinked, “Yeah, of course?” any anger he may have felt towards Rich was gone. Something was clearly wrong with him, “Bro are you sure you’re okay?”

“...No. I did something really fucking stupid that seemed like a great idea at the time and it’s the only reason you’re friends with me and now I’m going to get rid of it and I’m going to be totally fucked and alone again,”

That definitely wasn’t what he’d expected to hear. Jake gaped at him for a few moments while his brain attempted to catch up with what he’d just been told.

“I-Huh? Whatever you did I’d still be your friend, bro, I’d never leave you alone, did- did you kill someone?”

Rich dug his fingers into his arms and shook his head with a scowl, “No I didn’t kill anyone, dumba- sorry, I- no, I didn’t kill anyone. There’s this. Thing. In my brain,”

“Oh… you know I wouldn’t care about any kinda brain shit you got going on, Michael’s got shit too, I’m here for you, bro,”

“No, not like that brain shit,” well, yeah, some brain shit, another thing he’d have to deal with on his own once he got rid of the Squip, “Like… have you ever heard about something called a Squip?”

“A quick?”

“A Squip, it’s turned off right now, so...” and he explained, again, for the third time, up to Michael helping get him the Mountain Dew and his doubts about actually using it. Jake just nodded along slowly, eyes wide. Rich silently thanked God for this beautiful boy’s total willingness to believe absolutely anything he told him solely on the basis of what was a flimsy fraud of a friendship.

“...You really think I wouldn’t wanna be your friend if you were all quiet and weird again?”

Rich shuffled, not looking at him, “Everything you know about me was my Squip. You don’t know _me_ ,”

Jake fell silent a few minutes before speaking up again, picking at a loose thread on his jeans and trying to think of things he’d always found a little out of place with his bro. Maybe it was just turned off during those times too, Jake didn’t know, but he knew their entire friendship couldn’t have been a lie. Rich meant too much to him.

“I know you sleep curled up in a ball, I know you love pancakes but you never let yourself have more than one or two, I know you take better care of your lizards than you do yourself and you named them after the Ninja Turtles, and I deffo know that I’d still wanna be your friend even if you were all quiet and sad again,”

“...That’s kinda gay,” he sounded strained and it didn’t take much to figure out why as he wiped at his face. Jake immediately pulled him into a hug, resting his chin on his head and rubbing small circles on his back. Rich started trembling faintly, fists balled up against Jake’s chest and then finally broke down, sobbing into him and clutching desperately to his shirt. This was pathetic, he was pathetic, he couldn’t live without his Squip who was he kidding, he couldn’t even deal with the short times he’d just turned it off, how was he going to cope with not having it at all?

“I think… you should get rid of it, dude. Let people know the real Rich Goranski, you dig? I bet everyone will love him now,” Jake grinned at him, keeping up the circles, “Dunno why they wouldn’t have before,”

“I was worse than Jeremy and Michael,” he sniffled and wiped at his eyes again, voice bitter. He was still worse than Jeremy and Michael, albeit in a different way.

“Well they’re both a couple of dope-ass dudes too, bro! Watch and see tomorrow, everyone’s gonna love them once they get to know them, trust me. They’ll love them and they’ll love you, ‘cause you’re Rich and you’re totally awesome, no matter what,” he gave one last firm squeeze and released him from the hug, beaming down at him. Rich was a disheveled mess, but he smiled back regardless. It was a nice smile, Jake couldn’t help but think. It wasn’t as big as his usual smiles, but it also wasn’t as nasty, it was just. More genuine. 

“You wanna chill at mine tonight? Squip off?” 

Rich tensed up visibly, “A-are you sure?”

“Of course I’m sure, I wanna get to know you!” 

Rich thought about it for a moment and nodded, he supposed he’d have to get used to living without it again one way or another, it would be better to get a headstart.

“Okay, that sounds good,”

*

Rich headed home with Jake straight from school since neither of them had much need to ask for permission. He’d spent more than a few nights with Jake since his parents had left, keeping each other company and giving Rich a break from the bleak atmosphere in his own home every so often. It was a good setup they both benefited from, and Rich actually kept a fair amount of clothes here by now. There was plenty of space in Jake’s parents’ room, though they usually both crashed in Jake’s.

“I don’t hate him, you know,” he had said halfway through Beauty and the Beast

“What?”

“Michael. I don’t hate him. My Squip does but I don’t,” he nibbled at a lone piece of popcorn, “He’s… nice?”

Jake nodded with a smile, “He’s rad. I can’t believe he offered to help you just like that, I dunno if I would have if I was in his position,”

“I wouldn’t have,” he made a note to question him about that later. It was probably just for Jake, but it was worth asking, “So… how did you know you liked him? It was kinda out of nowhere”

“Y’know dude, I’ve been thinking about it? And there was just this one time in the hallway he was doing that… dance-walky thing he does, he told me it’s stimming which is dope as hell, and he walked into me, which like, rude, but whatever, but he just looked up at me with these big-ass eyes and this _smile_ and I just felt like… all fluttery and shit inside, you know?” he pulled a knee up to his chest and smiled a big, dopey, lovestruck smile, “I’d never like… _seen_ him before, you know? Like I’d seen him, but not like that. He’s usually all hoodied up and hiding, then after that I just kept watching him to see if I could see him do it again,”

Jake’s smile was infectious, Rich nudged his shoulder with a grin of his own, “Dude that’s sappy as shit, you should tell him that,”

The taller boy flustered, “Bro I can’t tell him that, he’ll think it’s creepy!”

“And eyefucking him in the halls wasn’t?”

Jake opened his mouth to reply, but he had a point. “...I wasn’t eyefucking him,”

“Uh-huh. So what’s the deal under the hoodie? Is he like secretly buff or are you just into that?”

Jake frowned at him, “Into what? He’s just hot,”

“You really don’t mind that he’s fat?”

“Um... he’s not but I wouldn’t? I dunno why you’re so hard on him with that, he’s just kinda chubby, it’s cute,” the frown turned into a disapproving huff, “And you make Jenna feel bad,”

“I- um, sorry, just… he’s cute, yeah,” his Squip really had made that out to be a much bigger deal than it apparently was, “...It makes Jenna feel bad?” his voice was small. Making people feel bad was a shitty feeling he’d learned to live with over the years, but his ‘friends’ too? And without even realising?

“I mean, yeah? I guess? You’re makin’ fun of people for being like her,” truthfully Jake didn’t know for sure that it bothered her in that way, Jenna was always pretty baller on the confidence game but he did know she didn’t approve at the very least, “So was that you or…?”

“Squip. It kinda... really goes hard on the way people look,” Rich really hoped he wouldn’t question that any further. Jake picked up on his hesitance and just slung an arm around his shoulder, pulling him into another hug.

“Everyone is hot,” he nodded sagely and matter-of-factly and they returned to the movie.

All in all the night was fun. They hadn’t done much, just watched a few more movies and talked occasionally, but they didn’t stay up too late- partly because it was a school night and partly because Rich had fallen asleep. It looked like he hadn’t gotten much rest in a while though so Jake had just put a blanket over him and left him to it. He laid next to him in the dark and scrolled his phone idly, thinking over what he’d learned about the smaller boy.

Real Rich was antsy. Whether that was because the Squip was still active even though it was turned off or because he was just… like that in general, he was twitchy. He was much more good-natured, he got excited over things easier, but Jake could tell he was still trying to reign it in, which he hoped would stop at some point. It was easy to see him as a dweeby little kid naming his lizards after turtles- plus he lisped sometimes which Jake found adorable even if Rich had visibly cringed every time.

He liked Real Rich. 

His final thought before he drifted off with a smile on his face was that he couldn’t wait for him to become a permanent fixture.

*

Player1: so uh  
Player1: i officially have a boyfriend  
Player1: bfd the fuck up here in case that wasnt obvious enough at lunch

Player2: !!!!!!!!!!  
Player2: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Player2: MICHAEL THATS GREAT  
Player2: wait its definitely jake isnt it  
Player2: i dont know if i have another interrogation in me  
Player2: that was terrifying

Player1: okay first of all thats adorable and i love u  
Player1: second of all, yeah of course its jake who the fuck else would it be???  
Player1: we’re gonna sit with him tomorrow at lunch, you cool with that?

Player2: dude what really  
Player2: like  
Player2: theyre super fucking cool??? are we allowed?

Player1: of course we’re allowed its not like a mafia thing  
Player1: thats what brooke said anyway  
Player1: she also said you were cute if that helps any

Player2: sounds fake but im in  
Player2: i wouldnt leave you fend them off by yourself anyway dude youre worse than me sometimes

Player1: its not fake you fucking spoon you can ask her yourself tomorrow  
Player1: thanks though dude :)  
Player1: any updates with christine?

Player2: she used coconut shampoo yesterday

Player1: little creepy but its something  
Player1: so just to be clear you werent just sat there sniffing her hair were you??

Player2: not  
Player2: on purpose

Player1: do i even want to know

Player2: i dont go around sniffing peoples hair on purpose michael!  
Player2: my nose just HAPPENED to be in the vicinity of her hair 

Player1: right. of course. i believe you. :-)

Player2: GO MAKE OUT WITH UR BF >:(

Player1: i would but its like one in the morning and all of us should be asleep rn

Player2: sleep is for the weak

Player1: says the guy who couldnt bench the bar

Player2: one day i will have muscles  
Player2: then you will learn

Player1: you dont need muscles you doofus   
Player1: you need a hot steamy beef injection of Self Love

Player2: i hate so much about the things you choose to say

Player1: im a modern day shakespeare   
Player1: now verily  
Player1: go the fuck to sleep jer <33

Player2: no you dont make enough dick jokes for that  
Player2: goodnight you gross nerd <3

*

B: mikey  
B: mikey pick up or wake up or whatever the next step to you talking to me would be this is important please  
B: michael theres been a fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :3c


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i thought abt making yall wait a week but im too weak for that

Michael hated hospitals. Nothing particularly bad had happened to him in one, it was just a constant underlying sense that at some point, any point, something could go wrong. Not to mention the overload of blinding white and heavy stench of bleach and fake flowery perfumes that did nothing to mask the cold, clinical atmosphere that permeated every hospital on the planet. He had to be here though, he would hardly leave his boyfriend and his boyfriend’s friend who would maybe kinda be his friend too one day once the supercomputer was out of his brain to deal with hospitals alone. 

Nobody knew what had happened, obviously. The rumours going around were wild, ranging from faulty wiring to a jealous gay murder-suicide attempt once it got out that Jake and Michael had started dating. Michael wasn’t sure who had started spreading that one, but he had gotten more than a few dirty looks from people who had surprisingly been chased off by Chloe. He’d been sure she would be the spearhead of that particular crusade. Maybe she was planning something. Maybe she for some reason approved of him and Jake? He had no idea how to read her.

Jake had gotten off easy, if you could call second degree burns and shattered kneecaps getting off easy, he’d be able to leave in six weeks if he was lucky. Michael had only been half listening when his injuries had been explained to him, talk of stable and displaced fractures flying over his head as he stared at the boy sleeping in the no doubt uncomfortable hospital bed. Rich was in much worse condition. No broken bones thankfully, but third degree burns all over his body and a full body cast. He’d been asleep every time Michael had looked in on him. There were never any other visitors. 

The first time Michael had been to visit him while he was awake Jake had been, as the youth said, off his tits. He’d spent twenty minutes talking about Michael’s eyes and another thirty rambling with very convincing distress about how he was going to miss his ultimate street hackey sack club. Their school didn’t have an ultimate street hackey sack club, it was probably the only pointless club they didn’t have. Michael had just smiled and rested a hand on his leg, he couldn’t hold the other boy’s hand because of the burns, but the gesture seemed to be comforting enough for Jake.

It was another two weeks before he was lucid. 

*

The next day at school he had been greeted with not one, but two, tight, enthusiastic hugs the moment he’d been spotted by their originators. Jeremy had pounced at his locker, babbling at him, asking if he was okay and did he wanna skip today, they could go to the arcade, that would take his mind off things probably? Michael had declined, if only because he didn’t want to taint the video games with bad feelings. Jeremy had attached himself to Michael’s hip the entire day, even attempting to follow him to his first few lessons, though Michael had thankfully made him see reason there. He would be fine, Jake was alive, he just… needed to keep busy, class would be good for keeping him busy. (It wasn’t. All he could think about was Jake lying alone in that horrible place ready to blink out of this reality at any moment. )

The second was Brooke, to his surprise. She’d barrelled into him at lunch, sobbing into his shoulder and trying to reassure him through her tears, and her cries had drawn Jenna and Chloe over to their table too, setting their trays down and offering their own… unique condolences. Jenna had looked at him with sympathy and told him she’d try and keep people talking about other things so he’d have some space, which he greatly appreciated. The day had been littered with whispers and stares he was neither used to nor comfortable with and the only thing that had kept people at a distance were his headphones. He really wasn’t made for popularity. Michael decided then that he liked Jenna. 

Then Chloe had offered to tell him the weird shit Jake was into for when he got out of hospital, which he had refused but he supposed it was a nice gesture coming from her. 

*

Michael stared at the ceiling, trying to quell the fluttering in his chest and the thoughts racing in his mind. What was it his mother had said when he got like this before? Focus on what you could feel. He could do that. He could feel the blankets beneath him (the same ones that had been on the first time he and Jake had kissed), he could feel his bracelets on his wrist (he’d said they made him look kinda punk and Michael had snort giggled), he could feel the texture of the Marley patch he was absently rubbing his thumb against (he’d been enthralled when he’d showed him his music), he could see soft moonlight shining through the basement window (he’d knocked on it the first time he’d taken Michael out to hang in public, where people would see them together), he could feel the panic clutching at his chest and the tears prickling at his eyes, no proper tears, no proper crying, just a manic overflow of emotions he didn’t know how to deal with right now.

Everything lead back to Jake, to the intense aching worry he didn’t know what to do with and the constant fear that he could lose the only friend he’d ever had besides Jeremy, as well as his boyfriend.

His moms had found him crying and spent the entire night fussing over him, running him a bath and ordering his favourite food and putting on his favourite movies, doing their best to not leave him alone to his thoughts for a second. It was… nice. It was the best he’d felt in days. He was still worried about Jake, obviously, but it felt manageable. Like it wasn’t the end of the world and that things might still be okay. 

He fell asleep that night on the couch and woke up with a blanket draped over the three of them.

Michael loved his moms.

*

“Michael!” Jake had perked up the moment he stepped in the room, it was the first time Michael had seen him fully awake. His face lit up and he sped to his bedside, perching on the edge of his seat and jiggling his leg frantically, “Aw fuck dude, you’re so cute, did you miss me?” and there was that big stupid charming grin Michael had missed.

“Of course I missed you, you’re my boyfriend,” he stroked his hair and looked him over. For someone who spent most of the day sleeping he looked exhausted, “Hey, you want me to bring you McDonald’s or something next time I come? The food here looks depressing,”

“Oh dude, that’d be rad, I’d sell my own mom for some nuggets right now bro,” 

That gave Michael pause, “Hey, where are your mom and dad? I’ve never seen them here,” Jake’s face dropped

“My parents, uh… they’ve been gone for a while now. I dunno where they are. Their insurance is covering this though, and I think I’m getting money from the house so I can get an apartment or something, but… yeah. I don’t think they even know anything happened,”

Michael pursed his lips. He’d have to ask his moms about something later, “How long have they been gone?”

“A few months now, it’s no big deal, I can take care of myself,” he shrugged

“You don’t have any other family to stay with?”

“Um... not really, nobody close enough, anyway,” Michael went to hold his hand before remembering the burns, carding his fingers through his hair instead.

“That’s bullshit, Jake. You know that, right? Parents aren’t supposed to _do_ shit like that, they’re meant to look after you,” 

Jake leaned into his hand, closing his eyes and murmuring something noncommittal in response, “Sorry Mikey can we drop this? It’s kind of a bummer,”

Michael sighed and kissed him on the head, “Alright dude,”

*

“She’s the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen Brooke, like her hair? And her eyes? And like… man, her hair, have you seen her hair? Her hair looks so soft Brooke, she’s so perfect,” Jeremy was covering his face with his hands and gushing about Christine (who else?) to the poor girl sitting beside him with the most put out expression Michael had ever seen. He’d been in that exact position more times than he’d care to count, he couldn’t just sit back and let this continue. He loved his best friend but he really was a one-track minded dumbass when it came to Christine.

“Jeremy, have you showed Brooke your tattoo?” Michael asked innocently, sipping on his slushie as casual as can be. Jeremy went bright red and Brooke perked up again, a smile tugging at her lips.

“You have a tattoo?” she asked, sending a silent thanks Michael’s way

“I-I- er, um, we- yeah, we both, uh… yeah,” 

Michael rolled up his sleeve to show her the Pac-Man tattoo on his forearm and Jeremy did the same. 

Brooke tilted her head at the two designs, “Is this a nerd thing?” 

Jeremy looked like he wanted the ground to swallow him up then and there. Michael gave her a bright grin and a peppy, “Yep!”

“Oh, neat! I’ve always wanted a tattoo, does it hurt?”

“Nah,”

“Yes,”

Michael and Jeremy looked at each other. Michael gave him an evil grin, “Jeremy threw up twice, I was fine,”

Jeremy groaned and buried his face in his arms as Brooke patted his back sympathetically. They shared a grin over his head. Michael had found that he did genuinely like Brooke over these few weeks, she was a little blunt and clueless but she meant well and she was never actively cruel. 

Chloe was still being suspiciously nice. He was still trying not to think too hard about it.

*

“Okay, okay, so, would you rather have three eyes, except your brain isn’t wired to deal with the third eye so it’s super disorienting, or three nipples, but you’d be wired to use the third nipple as an eye whether you wanted to or not,”

Jake furrowed his brows, deep in thought, “Could I just wear an eyepatch on the janky eye?”

“No. Eyepatches don’t exist in this hypothetical universe. You gotta deal with whatever you pick,” Michael squatted on his seat, nibbling at his fries and grinning as Jake thought this over.

“I think… the nipple. I could always get it pierced, call it my party nip,” Michael choked on a french fry and Jake attempted to clap him on the back, pulling back with a yelp when the sensitive skin on his hands protested the rough treatment. When they recovered they stared at each other a few seconds in silence, then burst out laughing.

“You’re so cute, dude,”

Michael grinned, “I’m _adorable_ ,”

*

Chloe cornered him one Thursday (three guesses where) and interrogated him for ten minutes about his “intentions” with Jake. As tempted as he was to mess with her, she scared the shit out of him.

“I just- want to be his boyfriend? I don’t know what you mean,”

“I _mean_ he’s out of your league and everyone knows it, so what do you want here? Is it popularity? You just want the attention?”

Michael made a face, “I just like Jake. What part of any of me made you think I’d ever want that,” nevermind that he wouldn’t do that to anybody even if he did care.

She paused and looked him over critically, eyes lingering on his glasses and a few choice patches.

“I suppose. Listen I’ve been playing nice with you ‘cause for some reason both Jake and Brooke like you, but eventually they’re going to get bored of you and you’ll be stuck exactly where you were before,”

“Comfortable and happy with a best friend I know inside out?” shit, he probably shouldn’t have said that, she was glaring at him now.

“...Don’t get too comfortable,” she just tossed her hair over her shoulder haughtily and stalked off, leaving Michael to shake his head and slip his headphones back over his ears.

He knew he wasn’t being paranoid.

*

Jeremy had been clingy lately. Whether it was not wanting to leave Michael alone with his thoughts or wanting to ensure his position as best friend would be safe and secure once Jake got out (or probably a bit of both knowing Jeremy), Michael didn’t know, but he did know that was a baseless concern to begin with. In an attempt to try and put him at ease Michael had insisted on bringing him along to visit a few times. Jeremy had been nervous, because Jeremy was always nervous, but he’d calmed down once he saw the cheerful greeting Jake gave both of them.

“How you feeling?” there was only one seat so Michael had pulled Jeremy into his lap, he wasn’t going to stand and he wasn’t going to make Jeremy stand and he wasn’t going to turn Jeremy’s fragile bird bones to dust, so the only solution available was to sit Jeremy on him.

“Um- I’m good? My hands kinda sting and they itch a lot and my legs are numb but that’s on purpose,” he was frowning at them, “Um, they’ll bring another chair if you ask,”

Michael shrugged, “It’s cool, this is comfortable,” 

Jake spoke slowly, “You… know this is why everyone thought you guys were dating, right? You- you’re definitely not are you?”

Jeremy flustered and scrambled off Michael’s lap, “N-no, we’re not, sorry, no, we just- it’s always been like that, it’s just been us, we’re comfortable together? I’m straight- or, like, mostly straight, anyway, I’m not- I mean, Michael isn’t-” he trailed off into a bizarre high pitched whining noise and Michael instinctively reached for his hand before hesitating and pulling back. He watched Jeremy nibble on his sleeve with concern.

“We don’t even think about it anymore,” Michael shuffled in the chair and rolled the beads of a bracelet in his fingers, trying not to think about that ‘mostly’, “We can... stop if it makes you uncomfortable?” he didn’t want to. Jeremy didn’t want to. Nobody here wanted to.

“No, you don’t have to do that, I don’t wanna like… get between you two, I hug Rich when we’re alone and shit, I’m just. Making sure, y’dig?” Michael tugged Jeremy back into his lap and smiled at his boyfriend, both of them relaxing immediately.

“I dig,”

“Yeah, we dig,”

“So… have you heard anything about Rich?” Jeremy asked quietly.

Jake shook his head, “I asked ‘em to tell me when he woke up but they haven’t yet so… he’s doing okay though I think? They would have told me if he wasn’t, they know we were friends,”

“You mean they know you saved his life? The stories about that have been majestic, by the way. Why didn’t you tell me you had an eight foot vertical leap, Jacob?”

Jake burst out laughing, “Dude I _wish_ I did, that would be gnarly as hell,”

“My favourite’s the one about Rich being a jilted ex-lover,” Jeremy piped up, just the slightest bit bitter, “You know, the biggest homophobe in the school being jealous of Michael, that one’s fun,”

Jake went quiet, “He doesn’t hate him. He told me that night. He doesn’t hate either of you, it’s that thing in his head,”

Michael and Jeremy shared a look. 

Michael spoke up, “Just because he didn’t mean it doesn’t mean it was okay. That kinda shit… it sticks with you. I think he could make it up to us if he wants, but...”

“It’s probably gonna take some time,” Jeremy finished softly. 

Jake nodded. He wouldn’t demand they instantly forgive him, Rich had fucked up big time taking that thing and as much as he supported his buddy he couldn’t deny that he’d hurt people.

Jake had too.

*

Michael had almost forgotten about the Red in the flurry of recent events, it wasn’t until that conversation that he remembered Rich’s Squip at all. An uncomfortable feeling settled in his stomach. Had that thing had something to do with the fire? Did it know it was going to be shut off? Michael wished Rich would just wake up so he could ask him. The doctors said he was stable, but he had a lot of healing to do so he’d probably be out cold for a while yet. He could hardly sneak in to pour a twenty year old soda down a coma patient’s throat, especially since he didn’t actually know what effect the Red would have on him. 

Michael just hoped that thing wasn’t finding a way to give him a hard time while he was out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a little all over the place cause michaels a little all over the place but i hope it wasnt too much of a mess to follow ;v;


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hospitals still suck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ya bitch fell back in the depression crevice

Update: Michael still hated hospitals. 

They were still too bright, still too clinical, and still smelled too strongly of bleach. A new Fuck This feature he had found that he’d previously been blissfully unaware of were the constantly bustling hallways, far too crowded for such a small space and with far too many people touching him. 

Dodging the nurses and various hospital guests with surprising agility, Michael made his way through and pushed open the door to Jake’s room. He stopped in the doorway, staring at the unexpected figure in the second bed. 

“It’s weird seeing him like that, isn’t it,” Jake said quietly after a few seconds, watching his sleeping friend with a strange look on his face

“...Yeah,” Michael wasn’t even sure if he could call it an improvement. At least if he was threatening him it would mean he was definitely alive, “Like, I know he’s small but he’s never looked _small_ , if that makes sense?”

“He’s mouthy,” Jake nodded with a small smile, “Or at least, that thing makes him mouthy. He’s quieter with it off, it’s weird,”

“Good weird or bad weird?” Michael sat in the chair beside Jake and joined him in watching Rich.

“I dunno. Neither really, just weird,” he glanced at Michael and went to take his hand gingerly- his burns were doing better but it was best not to push it, “Weird isn’t bad,”

“I know,” his voice was fond. He’d never thought it was but hearing it from Jake felt… nice somehow.

“When did they move him in?”

“This morning. Said he wasn’t in danger anymore and they needed the room for someone else so they stuck him with me since we were, uh, friends,”

Michael nodded and paused, “Have you told anyone what happened yet?”

Jake shook his head, “I don’t really know what happened, bro. We were asleep then next thing I knew I’d woken up ‘cause the smoke alarms were going off and Rich had barricaded himself in my mom and dad’s room for some reason,” he shuddered, gripping Michael’s hand a littler tighter, ignoring the slight sting on sensitive skin, “By the time I got in there he was passed out and I heard something come down behind me so I just jumped out the window,”

“I still can’t believe you jumped out the fucking window,” 

“I freaked out dude! What else was I gonna do? I couldn’t climb down and carry him,”

Michael chewed his lip and started tapping on his knee, nodding tensely, “I guess,”

Jake gave the hand he was holding a small peck and leaned his head on Michael’s shoulder, searching for a distraction, “So, how’s shit been at school?”

Michael snorted and rested his head against Jake’s, relaxing to a slower tapping rhythm, “Chloe went all Regina George on me ‘cause you’re out of my league or something but Brooke and Jenna have been great. Me and Jenna had an hour long conversation about cryptids the other day, that was fun. Brooke has a thing for Jeremy but Jeremy’s still hooked on Christine, so she’s usually bummed about that ‘cause he’s a clueless idiot and-” he stopped himself and started laughing, “I can’t believe I’m actually gossiping right now, what have you done to me?”

Jake laughed from his boyfriend’s shoulder and gave his hand a gentle squeeze, “It’s not gossip if it’s your friends bro, that’s just knowing what’s happening with ‘em,” 

“Friends?” hm. He guessed they were. Not nearly on the same level as Jeremy, but they were definitely more than acquaintances now. That was a less than heinous thought, “Yeah, huh,”

Jake frowned at that but he didn’t say anything, “...What did Chloe do? I’m sorry about her dude it’s like she only wants me when someone else has me, I’m kinda starting to think she doesn’t want me at all,” she definitely didn’t want him last time they were together. She’d barely even hung out with him outside of school, she’d spent all her time with Brooke.

Michael waved a hand dismissively with another snort, “I don’t even remember what she said dude, I’m fine. She’s not exactly wrong, even if she is thinking from within a bullshit system,” he’d spent long enough watching how the System worked that he could have slipped himself into it if he wanted to. He just didn’t want to.

“Dude, you’re totally in my league! If you weren’t I wouldn’t be with you,” he huffed and angled his body awkwardly to wrap his arms around Michael’s waist in a surprisingly strong hug, “You’re the best, Mikey,”

Michael leaned into the hug with a faint blush and a big grin of his own, “That’s pretty gay, Jake,”

“Michael we’re dating,”

“So gay,” he craned his head back uncomfortably to plant a kiss on his jaw, “So when do you get out?”

“They say my legs’ll be good for crutches next week,” he smiled and let go of the hug, settling back into a comfortable position.

“Do you have anywhere to stay?” Jake’s face fell.

“Not... exactly,”

Michael huffed and crossed his arms, leaning against him, “Yes you do, you’re staying with me. My moms already okayed it,”

“What- like, live with you? In the same house? In the same room?”

“Same bed if you want,” he shrugged.

Jake leaned forward and lowered his voice, not wanting to alert any nurses who might be walking by, “Dude I’d totally be down for plowing but I don’t think I wanna bang while your moms are bein’ nice enough to let me stay,”

Michael jerked away and burst out laughing, “What the fuck? Ew, dude, no, I meant like clothed, me and Jeremy do it all the time, no dicks involved,”

“O-oh! Right, shit, sorry, yeah, that sounds- wait ew?”

Michael fiddled with his bracelets, taking his time answering,“Yeah? I’m not, uh… really, _about_ sex things? You can do that stuff with other people if you want?”

Jake just tilted his head, “I don’t know what you mean babe,”

“Like, if you’re in the mood to do dick things you can do it with other people if you gimme a heads up, I don’t mind,”

“You don’t wanna do dick things with me?” there was a tinge of hurt in his voice that would almost have been comical when combined with his actual words if they didn’t make Michael want to crawl up inside his own asshole and scream himself to death.

“With anyone,” he was visibly nervous. He’d had _time_ to come to terms with the rest of his weirdness, this one was still relatively new to him, “It’s… just not appealing to me? Like, I see you, I know you’re hot, I like looking at you, but furthest I ever think about is like, shirtless cuddles, and that’s. Me, I guess? But I know it’s not other people, so if you wanna-”

“Mikey, chill,” he carefully took his hands- over time he’d gradually picked up on when to stop him from stimming and when to just let him carry on, picking at his nails was generally a ‘stop this one’ no matter the situation, “That’s fine, okay? I mean, I don’t really get it? But it’s fine, you’re cool man, we don’t have to do anythin’ you don’t wanna,”

Michael sighed in relief and slumped face first against Jake, running his thumbs over the rough texture of burned skin on the other boy’s hands. It felt nice. “Thank you,”

“...You’d let me do stuff with other people?” 

Michael just tapped a patch on his arm, “Poly as hell, my dude,”

“Oh,” he tilted his head, looking him over, “I only want you,”

“That’s cool, I only want you right now too,” not entirely true, but Jeremy wasn’t exactly available. (That was okay though, as long as Jeremy was happy he was happy.)

“Right now?” he asked

“I can’t tell the future,”

“Oh. I guess,” 

They fell into silence, both of them looking over at the boy in the next bed. Michael pulled up his legs to hunch up in his chair, stroking his thumb against Jake’s free hand while the other was in Michael’s hair, gently working out a few tangles.

Jake spoke hesitantly, “You don’t think that thing’s keeping him asleep, do you? Like, he should be awake by now, the doctors said so,”

“I hope not. That can’t be good for your brain,” he just barely refrained from commenting about how Rich really couldn’t afford that. Play nice, Michael, don’t insult the boy in a coma.

“I don’t think those things are good for your brain in general,”

Michael hummed in agreement. He was going to have to do some research.

* 

“Jeremy if you gush about Christine in front of Brooke one more time I’m going to start carrying around a spray bottle,” Michael took his headphones off and flicked his sandwich crust at his friend scoldingly as the girl trailed off after Jenna.

“Hey- what? Why?”

“Because she likes you, you dummy,” he sighed and draped himself over the table, “I dunno why you don’t just go out with her, she’s nice and she actually knows you exist,”

“Brooke likes me?”

“How did you not notice? She’s always smiling at you and touching your arm and staring at you and stuff, people do that when they like someone,”

“You don’t do that with Jake!”

“I’m autistic Jeremy, I do shit weird,”

“So what do you do when you like someone?” he hunched over and stabbed at his chicken nuggets moodily

“I dunno, make fun of ‘em I guess,” he shrugged, not wanting to incriminate himself too much

“You make fun of me all the time!” Shit.

“Yeaaah, and you’re my best friend, of course I like you,” 

Jeremy snorted and bumped against his shoulder, “I like you too,”

Michael gave him a smug smile, “Of course you do, I’m your favouwite pewson,” he batted his eyelashes and shifted to rest his head on his shoulder. Jeremy blushed and flustered, shoving off his now cackling best friend, “You’re adorable, Jeremy, it’s no wonder Brooke likes you,”

Jeremy rolled his eyes, “Brooke’s hot, why the hell would she like me?”

“Because you’re sweet and funny and cute and shy and I’ve been told girls go for that,” he took a stoic sip of his slushie, “No homo of course,”

Jeremy blushed even harder, shoving at Michael’s face and knocking his glasses askew, “I-I dunno, it’d feel… weird going after Brooke when I want Christine, I don’t wanna lead her on,”

Michael raised an eyebrow at his wording but he didn’t argue, “That’s fair. So have you maybe considered… talking to Christine? You have evidence that a girl is capable of liking you now, which I’ve been telling you for years by the way, why don’t you just give it a go? The worst she can do is say no and nothing changes,”

“The worst she can do is realise I exist and decide she hates me! I’d rather she not know I exist and be able to pretend I maybe have a shot with her,” 

Michael just sighed and patted him on the back, “Jeremy you’re a lot more likable than you think you are,”

“What if- what if I got the Squip? Just to get me through the first conversatio-”

“No! Absolutely not! First of all, that’s an absurd amount of money to pay for one conversation, second of all we don’t know what that thing actually _does_ to people, for all we know it can pick out the one thing you want and make you focus so hard you fuck every other aspect of your life like it did with-” he stopped and stared into space, muttering to himself.

“...not entirely safe but…”

“...Michael?”

“...don’t want anything…”

“Michael? You were, uh, lecturing me?” Jeremy looked uncomfortable, leaning forward over his lunch to try and look at Michael’s face

“...would be a way to find out how they work...”

“Michael?” Jeremy was frowning now, it wasn’t like Michael never got like this before, but Jeremy never liked it when he did.

“....nothing about them online, not much of a choice...”

“Michael, you’re kinda freaking me out buddy, it’s okay, I won’t get a Squip, don’t worry about it, just- dude!”

Michael jumped as Jeremy placed a hand on his shoulder, turning back to him with a grin, “No, no, no, _you’re_ not getting a Squip, Jeremy,”

“What?”

“I am,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not to go having emotions and shit but it feels Nice writing characters like me


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael Makes A Bad Decision

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can u believe i actually have a plan for this thing now incredible

“Absolutely not dude, no way,”

“See! That’s what I told him,”

Michael groaned and held his face in his hands, rubbing at his eyes as his best friend and boyfriend exchanged worried looks, “It’ll be okay, seriously, I already have the stuff to shut it off if it immediately goes tits up and if Rich’s lied to him then I’ll just make mine tell me,” he purposefully ignored the flawed logic in that.

“If it’s too dangerous for me to take one why isn’t it dangerous for you?” Jeremy furrowed his brows and traced along the raised skin of his tattoo nervously, “I don’t want you to get hurt,”

“What if it gets in your head? Like, more than physically getting in there, what if it makes you think you want it?” Jake added

“It’s not going to! I don’t want the Squip to change my life at all, in any way, all I want from it is information on how it works, there’s no way it _can_ get into my head just with that,”

“I still don’t know about this,” Jake chewed at his lip and clutched at his sheets, “What if it has nothing to do with Rich not waking up? Maybe if we just wait we can-”

“Maybe if we just wait we can watch him never wake up,” he didn’t mean for that be snappy, but having to explain this over and over was getting to be more than a little frustrating.

“Why do you even care? Rich treated us like shit, Michael, why would you- like, for _him_? Seriously?”

Jake tactfully stayed quiet. Michael took a deep breath and went quiet, looking over at the boy in the other bed and choosing his words carefully, “Because... I think he can be better without that thing and he should have a chance to. He was different with it off, you know he was,”

“He was hella different with me,” Jake nodded, “He kinda reminded me of you two,” 

Jeremy made a face at that, “I really don’t think this is a good idea, Michael,”

“What if I got it to tell me how you could get to talking with Christine?” Michael didn’t know her well enough to know if she’d be interested in a date, but if Jeremy could just… talk to her, he’d be able to take it from there himself. Michael believed in him, “That’s all you wanted out of it, wasn’t it? This way we both get what we wanted from it,”

Jeremy looked extremely conflicted, but if that boy had one weakness (he had many weaknesses) it was Christine, “...Okay,”

“Dude! I can’t seriously be the only one who doesn’t want him to do this, I’m not the smart guy, I shouldn’t be the one with common sense here, it’s weird,” Jake frowned and wrung the sheets in his hands

Jeremy bit his lip, looking between the two of them, “I trust Michael,” 

Jake sighed and laid back again, giving Michael a tired look, “You’re going to do it either way, aren’t you?”

Michael shrugged, “Probably,”

“Fine,” he let out a resigned sigh and reached over to hold Michael’s hand. Michael shuffled as the pang of guilt hit him.

“...If it makes you feel any better I’ll give it some more thought before I do anything, okay?”

They both sighed- possibly in relief, Michael couldn’t tell, and they settled into a less stressful conversation.

*

Michael hadn’t been entirely honest with them. 

He was going to wait before he did anything like he promised (mostly because he had to figure out where he was going to get that kind of money first), but he’d already made up his mind. He was going to take that Squip. It was his fault Rich was in this state right now if his suspicions were correct, he couldn’t in good conscience just leave him to deal with that thing on his own. 

Jake still wasn’t clear on what had actually happened that night, but Michael knew Rich had to have set that fire, he knew Rich wouldn’t have done it himself, and he knew if his Squip was making him do something drastic it was because Michael was helping to get rid of it.

He tried not to think about what that could mean for him once it was time to get rid of his own. 

A sharp hand on his leg made him jump and he shot his head up, wide-eyed, to see Chloe leaning over and scowling at him, “Stop bouncing your leg like that, it’s annoying,”

He stared her in the face (bridge of the nose, between the eyes, nobody could tell it wasn’t real eye contact, nobody got weird about it) and started jiggling his other leg. Jenna sat opposite them, putting her head down in an attempt to hide her snickers as Chloe rolled her eyes and scoffed, “You are so fucking weird,”

“Thank you,”

“That wasn’t a compliment,”

“I wouldn’t care if it was,” he knew his apathy pissed her off more than anything but he couldn’t exactly help that he didn’t care what she thought of him.

Brooke came trailing after Jeremy, both of them taking their usual seats between the two of them before Chloe could bite back with something more scathing. She always tended to leave him be when the two of them were there. She was quieter in general when they were around, come to think of it. Hm. He looked over to Jenna, who was idly scrolling through her phone as she usually was at lunch. He pulled out his own and shot her a message.

M: hey, does chloe like jeremy?

She snorted audibly and waved off the curious glances.

J: yikes i hope not  
J: you ever seen when brooke and chloe like the same guy??  
J: its Messy  
J: why, you got a scoop? :3c

M: jenna you know full well i dont know dick from shit when it comes to this kinda thing

J: truuuu  
J: its chill tho i got ur back ♥  
J: nah chloe aint into jeremy  
J: im p sure shes still into jake  
J: sort of

M: chloe doesnt like jake chloe likes Having jake  
M: theres a difference

J: yeah  
J: want me to keep an eye on them?

M: no im not that bothered, i just wanna make sure shes not gonna start giving him shit  
M: hed actually care

J: bless his heart  
J: nah tho its just brooke 

...Brooke. 

Hm.

M: chloes straight right?

J: uhhhh as far as im aware, why?  
J: oh  
J: Oh.

M: Yeah.

They looked up at each other. 

Michael sighed. 

How did this keep happening to him.

*

J: hey michael

M: hey jeremy

J: this uh  
J: squip business  
J: how you gonna pay for it?

M: no idea :D  
M: i was thinking of planning a heist but neither of us are athletic enough to really pull anything off

J: oh  
J: well  
J: if that doesnt pan out i can pay for it  
J: i still have my bar mitzvah money saved 

M: woah wtf  
M: dude no its fine thats an atrocious amount of money, ill just look into selling a few games or something  
M: and youre not even the one taking it, that doesnt seem fair :(

J: no!!!! You cant sell your games dude :(  
J: my creepy great aunt has a bunch of old beanie babies in her attic she doesnt even remember she has, i can snatch a few of the expensive ones if you really wanna sell somethin for this

M: im not stealing stuffed animals from a geriatric woman living on her own jeremy wtf

J: …….okay yeah that was a little fucked up  
J: dude seriously just take the money its chill  
J: what else was i gonna do with it??? get myself a custom engraved gold plated dildo???  
J: my ass should be so lucky  
J: you can always pay me back

M: hhhh  
M: hhhhhhhhh  
M: okay, fine  
M: but im paying you back  
M: and if you make me think about you and gold plated dildos again im getting the squip to help me murder you

*

Jeremy had insisted on accompanying him to buy the Squip, Michael reminded himself with some amusement as the lanky disaster totally didn't hide behind his friend from the creepy sales guy (Rich had definitely been right about that) despite Michael being a few inches shorter than him. The interaction was weird, but nothing too remarkable. Take it with Mountain Dew, deactivate with Red (right again, which was comforting), and take it somewhere private. 

Michael didn’t like the sound of that last part but he did as he was instructed.

They grabbed a bottle of Dew on their way home and sat in Michael’s basement, staring at the pill in his hand in mutual silence. It somehow felt more real now, like Jeremy really had forked over all his bar mitzvah money for Michael to do something he didn’t even approve of. 

It really said something about their friendship.

“Are you sure about this?”

Michael nodded, “Maybe we can have them battle it out or something?”

“N-no! What if that hurts you?” he tore his gaze away from the pill and gave Michael a disapproving frown

“I was joking, Jeremy,” he gave him a comforting smile and ran a fingernail along the ridge of the Mountain Dew cap, “Well. Here goes nothing,”

He downed it

“Uh… say something cool?”

Michael hesitated. If this thing was going to make him cool then surely the first thing that comes to mind will automatically be cool.

“I wove you Jewemy,” Michael simpered, fluttering his eyelashes and leaning close to his face, voice getting pitchier and more frantic as he continued, pushing closer until their cheeks were smooshed together, “Jewemy? J-Jewemy?? H-hewwo???” 

Jeremy let out an undignified and unattractive snort and pushed at Michael’s face, laughing and shaking his head, “Dude, you’re fucking ridiculous,” 

Michael kept on giggling until he heard a voice in his head.

**Target male inaccessible.**

Pain immediately shot through every nerve in Michael’s body the moment the voice sounded out. 

He collapsed to the ground, clutching at his head with tears beginning to stream down his face- he barely registered his own screams past the fire coursing through his brain, never mind the distant, foreign words echoing in his skull or Jeremy’s frantic yelling for his mothers as he untangled his headphones out of harm’s way and pulled his head into his lap, running long fingers through damp, increasingly sweaty curls-

Only one thing cut through the pulsing agony.

The same unfamiliar voice, clearer now, at the forefront of his consciousness.

**Michael Mell, welcome to your Super Quantum Unit Intel Processor.**

**Your Squip.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> when will you learn!!!! when will you learn!!!!!! that your actions have consequences!!!!!!!!


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fuck Fake Marley

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello im sorry i died
> 
> tbh ive had this chapter finished for a while but i was just??? really weirdly anxious about posting it thx brain

“Bob Marley?”

“What?”

“He- it looks like Bob Marley,”

“Who does?” Jeremy frowned and looked around the room

**He can’t see or hear me, all he sees is you talking to yourself. Perhaps don’t do that, I can see my job will be hard enough with you as is.**

Okay, it doesn’t talk like Bob Marley.

“Wow- alright, first of all you fucking toaster, if I wanna have an animated conversation with myself I’m going to do that and there’s nothing you can do to stop me, second of all I haven’t even told you what I want from you yet, third of all- why do you look like Bob Marley?”

**...That is not the reaction I was expecting.**

“Michael what the fuck are you talking about? Is this the thing working or did you hit your head?” Jeremy had been fussing over him since the screaming had calmed down- neither of his mothers were home so thankfully they hadn’t had to try and explain any of this (or more likely lie their way out of it.)

“Sorry Jer, one second, focus is-” suddenly very easy. What the fuck.

**You’re welcome. I can see to the other chemical imbalances if you wish.**

“What the hell did you just do to me?”

**I took care of your ADHD. You’re welcome.**

“Michael what did it do?” he waved for Jeremy to be quiet.

_‘Okay I’ll think at you but only because it’s confusing him. Put my brain back to normal, I don’t want you messing things up in there.’_

**I have put your brain back to normal. This is how normal people function. I assure you I could not make more of a mess of this than nature already has.**

_’Are you negging me? Am I being negged by a glorified floppy disk? Is that what’s happening right now?’_

**You seem awfully resistant to me considering this was your choice.**

_’You- shut up for a second, Jeremy looks like he’s going to cry.’_

“Hey, dude, it’s fine, it doesn’t hurt anymore, it’s just kind of a dick,”

Jeremy let out a distressed whine, “And now it lives in your brain! This was a terrible idea Michael, what’s it doing?”

“Uh, so far it’s… _fixed_ my ADHD, I’m trying to get it to undo that,” the distaste was clear in his voice

“You… don’t want that fixed?” he frowned, tugging at the cuffs of his cardigan. It sounded like something that would make his life a lot easier.

“I- no! Not like this, that’s what my meds are for, it’s, like... part of me? I don’t want some fancy fuckin’ Roomba changing stuff like that,”

“Okay, so- uh, what was that about Bob Marley?”

“It’s like, a hologram? Except only I can see it. And it looks like Marley,”

**You can also set me for-**

“Shut up, I’m talking to Jeremy- it’s telling me about other settings, I’m fine with this one,”

“Oh,” Jeremy shuffled closer and put his hand on Michael’s shoulder, not sure what else to do.

**What is my purpose here? Did you want Jeremy? I did detect strong feelings.**

_’No, I don’t want to trick Jeremy into loving me, if he was interested in me like that he’d just **be** interested. I want you to help him get to talking with someone and I want you to tell me shit, that’s all. You’re getting deactivated as soon as we’re done with you.’_

**...Very well. May I assist you with more personal problems in the meantime?**

_’Uh. What like?_

**As I said before, I can fix your chemical imbalances, I can guide you in regular everyday conversations, speed up your metabolism, stimulate sexual attraction, switch romantic attraction to females-**

“Absolutely fucking not,” Michael snapped, “None of that, I don’t want any of that, what the fuck,”

“What, what’s it doing?”

“Asked to make me fucking straight,”

“What the fuck!”

“I know!”

**It would make your life easier.**

“I don’t care if it would make my life easier, I don’t want that! I happen to like who I am you fucking Tamagotchi, stop offering to _change_ things,”

**You are decidedly not the target audience for this product. Very well, I shall sit here in your brain ignoring my primary function and doing nothing to improve your life. At least allow me to do your math homework.**

_...Yeah okay you can do that._

“Hey, Jeremy, you want it to do your homework?” Jeremy paid for the stupid thing, it only felt right that he benefit from it too.

“It can do that?” he raised his eyebrows

“It’s a supercomputer dude, if it can’t do high school level homework they did a shit job,”

“Oh, yeah, that makes sense. Sure, why not,”

**Okay. What did you wish to know?**

“Our… friend took a Squip and we think it’s keeping him in a coma, we have the red to turn it off but we can’t exactly pour it down his throat when he’s like that,”

**If you take me to him I can connect to his Squip and see what’s going on, then when you shut me down his will be deactivated too. A failsafe, I believe.**

“Oh. It’s that easy?” 

**There may be some slight discomfort and you might be out for a few days depending on how long you keep me but yes, if I connect to Richard’s Squip, both of us will be deactivated when you shut me off.**

Jeremy, bless his heart, was waiting patiently for Michael to explain. Jeremy raised his eyebrows at the explanation, “That does seem too easy. What about Christine?”

“We can do that first if Rich isn’t in any danger,” he placed a hand on Jeremy’s shoulder and pushed himself to his feet, “I think I’m gonna have a nap or something, my head is still killing me,”

“Oh, okay dude, you want me to stay until your moms get back or?”

“Nah you can go home, paranoia can’t get me if I’m passed out,” he joked, stretching his back

“Alright, later Michael. ...Call me if that thing starts acting weird, okay? I don’t trust it,” Michael couldn’t help but feel like Jeremy would be acting very differently if he was the one talking to it. He was too… Michael didn’t know the word. He was tired.

Once Jeremy was gone he flopped back on his bed with a sigh, taking his glasses off and throwing his arm across his eyes as the voice piped up again.

**I could get rid of your feelings for Jeremy if you would allow that.**

“ _No_ ,”

**But they’re unrequited. You have a partner. I don’t understand why you want want to keep them, they’re just going to complicate matters.**

“You don’t just get rid of complicated things? You learn to live with them. I’m used to it, it’s not the end of the world if I have feelings for Jeremy, he’s always going to be my best friend whether he returns them or not,”

**He is much better suited to your current social standing than Jake.**

“Jake likes me just fine, he’s the one who initiated... everything, you fuckin’ leave Jake out of this,”

**Michael I’m inside your brain, I have access to all your insecurities, no matter how deeply you try to deny them they will not simply disappear.**

**I can tell you they aren’t unfounded though. The likelihood that he sees you as a novelty is high. The likelihood that people will not think you are attractive enough for him is high. The likelihood that he realises he is straight after or because of being with you is low, however, if that is of any comfort.**

Michael groaned and covered his face with a pillow, “Oh my god will you shut up, I don’t care about any of that shit, just- shut down, turn off, perish, whatever command gets you to stop talking, pretend I just said it,”

**I am only trying to help you, Michael. I can make you perfect if you will allow me to.**

“I’m already perfect, fucko, now let me sleep,”

**Give it some thought, Michael.**

**Shutting down.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> squips are fun to write im ngl
> 
> what monumental assholes


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Michael continues to make bad decisions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> People Recognise Me From This Fic And That Is Just Fucking Wild To Me

**Stand up straight, you aren’t that much shorter than Jeremy.**

Michael slouched even further into his hoodie. 

Jeremy rolled his eyes and prodded him back into his regular (admittedly shitty) posture, muttering to him quietly as they waited for the nurses to finish checking on Rich, “Dude I know we both hate that thing but that’s not even comfortable, don’t hurt yourself to spite it,”

**You were supposed to be smarter than Jeremy too.**

Jake gave the lanky boy a disapproving little frown and tugged Michael a little closer to him and away from the prodding fingers, wrapping his arms around his waist. He buried his nose into the by now comforting material of Michael’s hoodie and took a slow, deep breath.

“Is it saying anything ‘bout us?” Michael shushed his boyfriend, giving a nervous glance towards the nurses, forcing an awkward smile when the younger woman looked back. She stroked Rich’s hair back and away from his face before she left and offered them a soft farewell. All three of them let out a sigh of relief.

“It said Jeremy’s tall and smart, nothing about you right now,” it had had a lot to say about Jake last night- specifically the multitude of ways that logically he should be with anyone besides Michael.

**The truth hurts sometimes Michael. I’m only doing what I was programmed to do. You don’t have to take my advice, it is simply recommended.**

Michael ignored it and leaned into Jake’s arms, they squeezed around his middle affectionately and he allowed his eyes to flutter closed for a few seconds. It had woken him up after five hours telling him it had worked out an exercise regime if he was interested. He was not. He was interested in sleep.

**Studies show that people with a lower level of activity need less sleep to function at their best. I thought you would appreciate the extra time to do… whatever it is you do. Video games, perhaps? Pining for someone other than your boyfriend?**

_’I’m pretty sure that’s bullshit but whatever. Just don’t wake me up again.’_

He’d ignored the dig at his feelings.

“Michael?” Jeremy gave his earring a little tug, “What’s it saying, you spaced out again,”

“What- oh, no, sorry, I was telling it to let me sleep tonight, it woke me up early this morning,” Jake gave a vague yet concerned little mumble and tugged him even closer.

**He can feel how unfit you are. You may wish to avoid letting him touch your midsection if you want to keep him as you are.**

“He doesn’t care and neither do I. Fuck, I can’t wait to get rid of you,”

Jake raised his eyebrows, “What?”

“It’s telling me I’m fat but in that weird passive aggressive way where for some reason it thinks I don’t know exactly what it’s doing,”

**What I am _doing_ is trying to help.**

_’Real Bob Marley would never treat me like this.’_

**If you are unhappy with this form you can also set me for The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, Pikachu, or Sir David Attenborough.**

_’No you’ve already ruined Marley for me, don’t get your grubby little holofingers over them too.’_

**There is no need to be so difficult Michael.**

Michael realised they’d been talking at him again- fuck, he was really going to have to tell this thing to stop talking to him while he was with people, he couldn’t focus on both.

**I did attempt to help you with that if you recall. You had me undo it.**

**Fine though, I will stop helping.**

It had said that four times now. Michael could tell it wasn’t going to stop ‘helping’, though whether that was a fault in its programming or sheer almost human stubbornness he couldn’t say.

“Did you hear any of that?” 

Jeremy had started picking at his nails anxiously, Michael took his hand and shook his head, “Sorry, I told it to shut down, what did you say?”

“You’re not fat, you’re cute,” Jeremy gave his hand a scolding little squeeze. Michael didn’t see why he couldn’t be both, but he just shrugged.

“I don’t care,”

“Rich said his was a huge dick about that stuff too,” Jake tightened his hold on Michael protectively, “I dunno what the big deal is, chub is cute,” 

Michael just shrugged. He didn’t like thinking about it too much, his stupid brain always tried to latch onto it and drag him fuckdeep into a depression session, which was always immensely stupid to deal with because he just genuinely didn’t care. He didn’t.

“Whatever, let’s just get this over with, I don’t wanna deal with this obnoxious asshole any longer than I have to,”

**Rude.**

“Fuck off,”

**Give me ten minutes.**

_’It’s going to take you that long?’_

**No. I just don’t like you.**

“Fake Marley’s being a little bitch so it’s gonna take ten minutes to do… whatever the hell it’s actually doing,”

**I’m syncing up with his Squip to see what’s happening. This behaviour is highly irregular, I can assure you we are not all like that.**

_’Yeah, not all Squips, whatever, don’t care, just do it.’_

Jake looked to Jeremy while Michael zoned out again. He’d hung out with him long enough by now to know when he was just having a bad focus day- one particularly fun one was when he’d come to visit only to find Michael had ended up hopping between three different consoles every so often and was managing to kick ass on every one of them. Jake loved this fucking nerd. This was worse than that. He could usually follow conversations if nothing else.

“Has he been like this since…?” Jeremy nodded, reminding himself to chew on the rubber necklace Jenna had gotten him after he’d made his nails bleed. Jake frowned. He still wasn’t down with this plan, he hadn’t been since the beginning. He’d already nearly lost his best friend to this thing, he didn’t want to lose his boyfriend too. He knew how Michael worked, maybe not as well as Jeremy did, but he knew enough to know that Michael wouldn’t willingly let either of them know if this thing was giving him a hard time. 

Michael based his worldview around what he perceived to be immutable facts. He would never be cool, so he wouldn’t try to be, he didn’t care what people thought of him, so he would just do what made him happy- both things that had drawn Jake to him in the first place, not everything about this mindset was bad. No, what was bad about it were things that kept him from expressing himself when it came to anything negative. Michael is happy, so he can’t allow himself to be upset. Michael liked himself, so he wasn’t allowed any insecurities. Michael doesn’t care what people think of him, so he’ll ignore any problem that implies he does. 

Jake knew he wasn’t entirely comfortable with his chub, he could tell in the way he’d tensed up the first time he’d hugged him round the waist, and his thinly veiled hesitance in taking his hoodie off despite being perfectly fine doing so when Jake was a near stranger, but Michael had never actually _said_ anything. Jake didn’t like the idea of that thing in his head preying on that, and if he knew anything about Jeremy (and he knew a few things about Jeremy), he wouldn’t either.

“It’s definitely that thing keeping him asleep, it says it’s… recalibrating him or something, I have no idea what that means but it can’t be good,”

**Recalibration requires a total rewiring. It can take a while though, brains are tricky even for us. Did you know all maps of the human brain are approximations? The exacts differ from person to person. I thought you would find that interesting. Anyway, by this point he’s regretting his turtle names at most.**

“Rich has turtles?” he ignored the brain map thing, the Squip had been plying him with little fun facts every so often, probably trying to win him over. He already knew that though. He also knew it was why some people had foot fetishes. Michael’s pool of knowledge was as vast as it was useless.

“He has lizards named after turtles,” Jake said, pulling Michael closer again.

**I can see why he needed our help.**

Michael rolled his eyes and rested his hands on Jake’s, “It’s trying to rewire him to be more... compliant or whatever, but it’s taking a while, we have time,”

Jeremy chewed his necklace some more, “I don’t think we should leave that thing in him any longer than we have to, we can forget about Christine if we need to,” he didn’t want to. Michael could tell he really didn’t want to, Jeremy was a good guy but Michael would be the first to admit his single-mindedness when it came to Christine really was something to behold.

_’Hey. How long do you think until it starts making a big difference?’_

**I’d say a week or so. You have time to get Jeremy a date.**

_’Not a date, a conversation. We don’t know if she’s interested yet._

**Oh, she isn’t. I can see from your memories. Christine Canigula has no romantic interest in Jeremy Heere.**

_’I still want them to talk. He could use more friends, he likes people.’_

**You are a strange one. Would you like to know if Jeremy harbours any romantic interest in you?**

_’Jeremy’s straight, don’t be a dick.’_

**He has said himself that he might not be.**

...Fuck. That was true, Michael had forgotten all about it with everything else going on right now. He’d have to ask him about that later.

_’Either way I don’t want to know.’_

A concrete no felt like it would be harder to deal with than the maybe, maybe not pining, somehow. Not that he’d do anything about it regardless, Jake didn’t want to share him and he was fine with that.

**Are you though? I can take care of this… polyamory thing if you would let me.**

“I don’t fucking want you to, stop doing that!”

Jeremy and Jake both jumped, startled away from their quiet conversation at his outburst, he quickly reigned himself back in and shook his head, attempting a smile to calm their nerves.

“Sorry, it tried to fix shit that doesn’t need fixing again,” he told the Squip to shut down and just flopped against Jeremy with a sigh. Jake was his boyfriend but Jeremy was still his best friend, he was still the most stable, secure source of comfort Michael had. Jeremy was glad for that as he wrapped his useless noodle arms around him and played with his hair until he drifted off for a nap. 

*

Jeremy: hey so  
Jeremy: were worried about michael right

Jake: big time bromeo 8(  
Jake: i dont trust that thing at all

Jeremy: its such a dick to him!!!!  
Jeremy: nothing about michael needs changing or fixing or whatever!!!

Jake: i know!! >:( michaels perfect as he is >:(((  
Jake: do you think you could get him to drink the red anytime soon??

Jeremy: ive been trying, hes deadset on getting me to talk to christine  
Jeremy: i dont even think i want it anymore if its going to do this to him :(  
Jeremy: its not like christine would ever be interested in me anyway

Jake: bro!!! dont talk like that, you dont know!!!  
Jake: even if she isnt thats not because theres something wrong with you its just cause you aint right for each other in that way!!

Jeremy: youre a lot more  
Jeremy: smarter  
Jeremy: than i thought youd be  
Jeremy: fuck, more smarter????  
Jeremy: its been a long day

Jake: its chill homie i know what you mean B)  
Jake: i aint smart though lmao im a dumbass  
Jake: brookes gotta help me with school shit most the time

Jeremy: grades arent everything  
Jeremy: michaels super smart and his grades are abysmal  
Jeremy: im pretty sure he does my homework more than he does his own  
Jeremy: apparently he has to do his so its boring, he doesnt have to do mine so its fun

Jake: you just let him do your homework??

Jeremy: not by choice. he does it when im not looking

Jake: hes a weird dude

Jeremy: he really is  
Jeremy: hes never done a single presentation either  
Jeremy: and we both skip gym  
Jeremy: he does just enough to be able to graduate

Jake: huh  
Jake: i thought you two were just in another class for gym

Jeremy: theres only one gym class, we just never go  
Jeremy: Humiliation Station  
Jeremy: especially the changing rooms

Jake: oh  
Jake: yeah i guess that can be a little weird  
Jake: is he okay though??

Jeremy: what do you mean  
Jeremy: we both know he isnt okay right now

Jake: no i mean like  
Jake: nvm its whatever hes fine  
Jake: shit i gotta go the nurses are doing their rounds im supposed to be asleep rn

Jeremy: night dude  
Jeremy: ill work on michael, dw about him

*

**Did you hear that Rich?**

**I told you they don’t care about you.**

**It’s okay, though.**

**You still have me.**

**:-]**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> retweet to destroy all squips

**Author's Note:**

> hides face im not rly a writer im sorry if this sucks


End file.
